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My husband and I had a wonderful baby for two months. Then, through a twisted mess of multiple errors by every person involved - and a few who weren't supposed to be - the baby was taken from us. Placement has been made with another family. No one knows what to say - does anyone else ever get tired of hearing that? My husband and I have no idea how to feel. Some compare it to losing a child in death, but I'm not sure. I know she's alive - I held her for two months and now someone else is going to raise her. It's unbelievable. I am thankful for this forum. It's nice to know we're not alone.
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I've not been through your exact situation, but having had several foster children removed and placed elsewhere due to other people's ability to control things and having their own agendas, I do know what it is like to fall in love with a child and then lose them. You have to allow yourself to grieve about it. No one can tell you how you should feel because we all react differently. If you have any support systems such as a pastor, a wise friend, etc., that you can really talk to about it, I encourage you to do so. (((hugs)))
BTDT on many levels....more than once. It's horrible. One of the worst times was losing two little ones we'd had for almost one year.....they were presented to us as 'legal risk, but certainly planned adoption'. People who weren't suppose to 'talk', said what they wanted......it was very similar to the Baby Richard case just months before. Years later, we still talk about it......
Like someone else said, allow yourselves to grieve. IMO, it IS the same as losing a child......in time, your heart will heal over....it will....but it will take time. If you're planning to adopt (as we were then) take an education from the situation and go forward when you're ready.
My sympathies and hugs to you during a really difficult time that few understand......
*And yes, DO consult and talk with someone close. It's a definate loss....
Most Sincerely,
Linny
I am so sorry for your loss. We had a failed adoption this past Sept. after a month with our son being home with us. Human error played a huge part in our situation too. It does get easier but the pain of lossing a child is something that will always stick with you. The thing that keeps us going in our adoption journey is the joy we got from our little boy, our time with him was so precious... he showed us how much we loved being parents. You are not alone in this, and I hope with time the pain of this will ease. (Hugs)
Tonight is my son's last night here. After 13 months he is being taken from us. I agree with you it is not quite like a death. Tomorrow night he will cry for mommie and I won't be there. How are either one of us supposed to recover? He will be 2 in 2 weeks. Someone else will bake his cake. How have you tried to heal?
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I understand your pain. My fosterson was with me from 21months old to just prior to his 6th birthday...yep, four YEARS. He was "reunited" with his biological family. It hurts more than anyone knows. He and I both suffered but thankfully he has visited me one weekend a month since he left in August 2010. So, he's with me 2 nights/month. I am grateful that his mom has not allowed her insecurity to overhadow what is best for him. My suggestion..pray, cry and talk about it..to a professional therapist if necessary. (((HUGS)))
Sorry about your loss I know the feeling this exact situation happen to us 2yrs ago. Allow yourself to grieve..we talked about how we felt about the situation alot & cried alot...:( It is hard to grieve a child that is very much alive! We pray everyday for our lil girl and we like to say shes our God daughter...The LORD gave her to us for a short time for reasons we may never know...We keep her apart of our lives in everyway we can. Our children refer to her as there sister and keep pictures of her on there phones and in their rooms. I'm so sorry you & your family have to go through such pain :( If you need someone to talk to you can send me a pm.
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ginniehope
Tonight is my son's last night here. After 13 months he is being taken from us. I agree with you it is not quite like a death. Tomorrow night he will cry for mommie and I won't be there. How are either one of us supposed to recover? He will be 2 in 2 weeks. Someone else will bake his cake. How have you tried to heal?