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I am going to blame it on the holidays and those really nostalgic "family" movies (eventhough I don't watch them) but I tried to make contact again with my guys biograndma. Again no answer, this time no answering machine either. We actually met last summer but aside from a phone call or two nothing since. We tried aggressively over the summer to contact with no luck. They are older, she had health problems awhile back. I did a quick internet search but came up with not much. So I pulled out the contact info mom gave us and called. I connected with biograndma's sister. She said grandma has been wondering and waiting for contact. Grandpa is in the hospital, they had a death (murder actually) in the family and things had been chaotic. She offerred to call grandma and give her my number. Yeah the catch is that I never gave them our number because the kids have pretty criminal parents and grandparents weren't so great either. The oldest lived with grandma until age 3. I have a disposable "throwaway" phone that I buy cards for (using cash - no record) so I gave them that number. Sure enough grandma calls moments later. Turns out grandpa got real sick, stroked ran into complications during the summer and now lives in a nursing home pretty unaware of most things, his sister was murdered, her dad died in September and biomom is in prison 2-4 years for DUIs due to her past history. Grandma has been pretty clean for the past two years though. No real info on biodad. We agreed to meet on Monday at a McDonald's playplace. I'll print off pictures of the kids for her. I did let the kids speak for a few minutes and she was crying when I got back on the phone. She said I totally made her Thanksgiving. After I got off the phone I asked my oldest (who used to live with her) how he felt about seeing her again and he said scared. I wasn't expecting that answer because HE brings her up every so often and frequently includes her in his bedtime prayers. I explained it was just a visit at McDonald's and that he would always live with me. Plus I would be there so nothing bad would happen. There was gross neglect on her behalf, domestic violence (grandma and grandpa) but I am not aware of any physical abuse towards him in the past. Now I'm not sure I made the right decision though. I really believe in keeping an open if limited door because of medical issues and the whole "where do I come from" type identity issues - I was adopted and would have loved that - but am I putting too much of myself on them? Now she does have our phone and granted its untraceable and disposable but its something I wasn't quite ready to do. Feedback, ideas, suggestions?
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In regards to this:
After I got off the phone I asked my oldest (who used to live with her) how he felt about seeing her again and he said scared.
Perhaps it is more an "emotionally scared" rather than "physically scared"? By that, I mean he may be scared about any future relationship with her and what it means emotionally (either good or bad) rather than being physically scared.
gisellechloe
I am going to blame it on the holidays and those really nostalgic "family" movies (eventhough I don't watch them) but I tried to make contact again with my guys biograndma. Again no answer, this time no answering machine either. We actually met last summer but aside from a phone call or two nothing since. We tried aggressively over the summer to contact with no luck. They are older, she had health problems awhile back. I did a quick internet search but came up with not much. So I pulled out the contact info mom gave us and called. I connected with biograndma's sister. She said grandma has been wondering and waiting for contact. Grandpa is in the hospital, they had a death (murder actually) in the family and things had been chaotic. She offerred to call grandma and give her my number. Yeah the catch is that I never gave them our number because the kids have pretty criminal parents and grandparents weren't so great either. The oldest lived with grandma until age 3. I have a disposable "throwaway" phone that I buy cards for (using cash - no record) so I gave them that number. Sure enough grandma calls moments later. Turns out grandpa got real sick, stroked ran into complications during the summer and now lives in a nursing home pretty unaware of most things, his sister was murdered, her dad died in September and biomom is in prison 2-4 years for DUIs due to her past history. Grandma has been pretty clean for the past two years though. No real info on biodad. We agreed to meet on Monday at a McDonald's playplace. I'll print off pictures of the kids for her. I did let the kids speak for a few minutes and she was crying when I got back on the phone. She said I totally made her Thanksgiving. After I got off the phone I asked my oldest (who used to live with her) how he felt about seeing her again and he said scared. I wasn't expecting that answer because HE brings her up every so often and frequently includes her in his bedtime prayers. I explained it was just a visit at McDonald's and that he would always live with me. Plus I would be there so nothing bad would happen. There was gross neglect on her behalf, domestic violence (grandma and grandpa) but I am not aware of any physical abuse towards him in the past. Now I'm not sure I made the right decision though. I really believe in keeping an open if limited door because of medical issues and the whole "where do I come from" type identity issues - I was adopted and would have loved that - but am I putting too much of myself on them? Now she does have our phone and granted its untraceable and disposable but its something I wasn't quite ready to do. Feedback, ideas, suggestions?
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Share
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