How do I communicate safely with birth parent

Can you ask the adoption unit at your agency to be the go-between? We have an open adoption, but bps don't have our address. Whenever I send mail, I use the agency's address with our son's name as the return address. There are less open adoptions that use the agency for everything -- mailing correspondence TO bp, and receiving from bp. I also set up a completely separate email address for bps, and use that to communicate. I set up a google voice number through that email, but haven't used it yet.

You can also use the disposable phones. They don't required information like name, address, etc. You just buy refill cards at places like Best Buy, Walmart, etc. I would also set up an email address on gmail to communicate with them.

We do pretty much the same. Our BPs do have our cell phone numbers but not our address. They know which town we live in but not our street or house number. Our CW has been fabulous about helping with correspondence. We did invite our ADs birth mom to our house for thanksgiving and we plan on having her over for dinner so at some point she will know where we live. I just hope she never passes that info onto BD.

Depends on too if you think there are safety issues and how old the kids are. It makes a difference in how I personally would handle things given those two details. (Only because this is a foster care adoption)

I second what Crick says.I will note that in our case we go through a mediator and have one e-mail account set up for more direct contact.

If you're going through the state, you'll be on your own, post finalization. I, personally, wouldn't set up a phone number. that suggests you'll return a call when they leave a message. We did not share our phone number, but J's BM tracked it down. She doesn't use it often, but boy its annoying to have the message come through. You can set up anonymous email addresses through gmail or hotmail. You can set up special facebook pages using those email accounts. Make sure you can follow through on what you promise and be sure to define your boundaries. If you don't wish for the pictures to be shown publicly.. like on their fb account, state that up front. Let them know, should these pictures be shares, you won't send more.

We have 3 very open adoptions...pretty much full disclosure. They were voluntary infant adoptions. We don't share visits with one family because of the distance involved. They live very far from us now. With one of our children, (older at placement and not voluntary) however, it is totally closed, and I hope it will always remain that way. I feel sad for my child, but it has to be this way. Just recently, I thought about sending a letter to my child's mom with non-identifying information and no pictures. As a mom, I can't imagine what it must be like to not know anything. A lot would depend on the risk involved and the age of the children. If you feel "threatened" by them, then do everything anonymously. Use a fake email addy, etc. I wouldn't suggest using a cell phone because of the GPS in them. Good luck. :)

I have thought of how to do this also, and My husband and I are computer people. So we have decided when we are matched with our Birth Parents we will start a web site/Do a Blog, to post pictures and info on, We will also set up a e mail address just for the adoption.

Is a Blog more secure than a site like Facebook?

Thanks so much for all of your comments and suggestions. I will attempt to address each of the questions and issues. Safety is certainly a concern. Both children are now toddlers. One of the BMs is doing well right now and seems to be making good decisions but, when she has been abusing substances, she has not been trustworthy and I don't want to be constantly looking over my shoulder, afraid to let the children play in the yard, etc. The other birth mom has a history of absconding with her children so I think there is a real risk, despite that she deeply loves this child. I'm also concerned with the security of the Internet and whether or not this is a safe means of communication. I inquired with the State's adoption dept and they do not want to be an ongoing means to communicate, although this did seem like the ideal way to me. Thinking way ahead to teenage years, we don't want to have an open adoption that allows the child another option for a parent whenever they don't like household rules or boundaries. I would like them to be able to send cards that I will collect for the child until the appropriate age and to send updated contact information so the child can contact them in the future as an adult.

A blog and face book are almost the same. The only thing I would do differently is make a separate Facebook account,and it will be in no way associated to your personal account so they can not get your personal info.

It sounds like with all the history that a P.O. box may be best. That way you can review everything and them make a choice if you think it is appropriate. It will also allow you to censor what you children receive. If you want to do pictures or something like that I recommend a picasa web album. You can set it to private and only allow specific email addresses to view it. You can also revoke those email addresses anytime you feel it is needed. I would also imagine though that you could set up a go between in a private attorney if you desire. I would imagine that you would have to pay their office a small fee to continue to do that but you would be fully protected as an attorney would be over seeing it. If you are interested in that sort of thing I would imagine that any family law attorney would be willing to do just that.

We adopted thru the state and did not end up having any open adoptions. BUT if we did end up having an open adoption there would have been felons (of varying degrees) involved, so we were wanting to be careful, too. Anyway, there were private adoption agencies with whom we could contract to be the 'clearing house' for non-identifying contact.

You should consider ChildConnect.com, a tool created specifically for this purpose. I know many families that use this and find it confidential and secure.

Thank you. I had not heard of ChildConnect.com.