Bio family not being respectful of AD new name she chose.

Tonight I sit here in awe. My AD is a teen and she chose to change her name. Her birth parents passed away and her extended bio family is upset. I truly can understand why and I sympathize with them but they are not ready to listen. My AD came to us one day and announced she wanted to change her name. We were not happy with this idea and sloughed it off for a while. She was insistent so we started to let the powers to be know her wishes. They too were not thrilled with the idea but she insisted. After a period of time the workers and higher up's listened to our AD request. We discussed it and decided to seek counselling to see if she was truly thinking this through. After a lot of counselling, a lawyer, a child's advocate, they decided to let her go ahead. Our AD birth name is very unique and certainly not a name you will ever see on a mug or a pen. She said people at school teased her about her name and she did not like it. She had come up with the most simplest name ever and I am still wondering where she got it from. So we respected her wishes and everyone agreed to let her chose her name. When the birth relatives found out... they were furious. One went as far as to tell our AD that they would NEVER refer to her as her new name. Now I understand their pain, I truly do. They have lost this childs parents and she is now being adopted by strangers. There is anger and hurt and disappointment and sadness... a lot of sadness. They are angry because they believe we chose to do this when it really was our AD decision and not made lightly I will add. The family continues to talk about their feelings and how we are not considering theirs and how could we let this child change her name and not respect the family and the birth parents. At the end of the day as our AD put it... her parents are gone and this is about her. My AD tonight told me that her family has never asked her what she wants. She wanted to remain with us and have us adopt her, her birth mother wanted us to adopt her, she wants to change her name and she wants her new life. The birth family doesn't want to accept this. Most of the birth family is angry and says they don't want any part of her anymore. They are hurt. I wish they would listen and understand that this isn't about them... this is about a little girl. It's about a child that did not ask to be brought into the world and be neglected, abused, abandoned, left to go hungry. She did not ask to be caught up in her parents addictions and be removed by the police on many occasions. She didn't want to have to steal food at age 5 so she would have something to eat. She didn't want to have to lie to police and workers about her parents drinking and drug abuse. She just wanted to be a child and know that her needs would be met and she would be loved. Today that young girl is blossoming into a beautiful young woman. She is so caring and kind and loving. She has hopes and dreams. She has her wedding dress picked out and even where she wants to get married. She changes her goals of being a doctor to a teacher to so many other things. She has her life to figure that out. She does know that she never wants to have children until she can afford them. She says she will never drink or do drugs. She knows she needs to have the education, job, marriage and house before she can have the nursery and the baby. If the family were reading this I would want them to know that these are her wishes... not mine. If you could open your hearts and your minds and put aside your needs and listen to hers... be happy for her. She just wants to have a happy life too. You say your heart is breaking... her heart is too. You blame her for changing her name and say you will never see her again. She is a child... you are angry at the wrong person. I will always be open to sharing my AD with her birth family but they have to be willing to understand that we are giving her what she wants and needs. As a child... she must come first. Her feelings come first. She is a child and we are adults. We must cast aside our feelings for the emotional well being of a child. My heart breaks for both my AD and her bio family because I know there are no winners in this. My only hope is that time may heal things for them and maybe one day they will come to terms and try to piece back their relationship. Until then... our door is always open. An adoptive mom...