stinky gifts

As always, it depends on your individual case. They are so so different. Our kids don't even know their bf as they have been in jail almost their entire life. My foster kids are 2 and under and won't know and not to go into details but much of the stuff our bf sent them was adult items. We kept the 2 toys they got this Christmas, but I refuse to keep inappropriate adult items in my house for when the birth parents get out of jail. Just wanted to let others know that you do have the option of having the CW keeps stuff you don't feel right with the kids having for whatever reason. Then the CW is responsible for giving them back when the kids go back. In our case the CW logs each item and gives you a paper showing what they are storing so you can never be accused of not giving stuff back. Our list is quite humorous.

I agree how would you feel if you was torn apart from your family and now the only thing you have to remember them by is going to be tossed. Have you tried washing the items? No matter what the parents have done the children still love and miss their parents.

"Disgusting" and "Yuck" but they are in good enough condition to donate? I'll be honest, that makes me think that its not the condition of the items (that don't belong to you) but what you feel towards these people that is the issue....What about how this post would sound to a child. Things from her family are "disgusting" and "yuck" AND she came from her family.

I know if I was a child and heard that I would really think about when I was going to get tossed or given away to another family because I came from that house too. But if they were stuffed animals or something that holds odors, have you tried washing them, febreezing them or if you have a steam dryer trying that? If those can't be done, just buy a big rubbermade bin for $5 and put everything in there. How would you like it if you got something from your parents and someone came into your house and called it yucky and took it from you and dumped it in front of you? I'm not trying to be rude, just trying to get you to see it from the child's eyes.

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I agree.. I wouldn't get rid of the stuff their parents gave them. If the items reek and are washable I would wash them. Everytime my stepdaughter has visitation with her mom, she comes back to me and her father with all her stuff reeking of smoke. I wash all her stuff and that normally takes care of the smell.

Something I've found acceptable is (weather permitting) airing out the toys. I have hung them on the clothes line. They will still have a light smokey smell, but it's not as bad. My FS recently got a favorite stuffed animal from his grandparent. When we pulled it out, my initial thought was "PHEW! That really needs to be washed!" and he said with a big smile on his face "That smell's like grandma's house!" It hit me then that no matter how much I disliked the smell, I was never going to wash it. That's his grandma smell, and it made him incredibly happy. That was only one toy.. a whole bag of toys I would pick out a couple favorites to maintain the smell, and wash/air out the rest if possible.

Ditto what skc said! :D Everything sent over form J's birthmom home smelled of smoke and cheap perfume. We left the giant stuffed picachu unwashed, as the smell reminded her of "mummy." But we washed the bulk of the items white vinegar does a great job removing cigarette smoke smell.

We had this issue, but in addition to smoke we had diesel from a truck and drugs at times. Sometimes the worker would throw things out before giving them to me. Everything I got I brought home, aired out in the garage, then washed. Then I put it in a rubbermaid container to store them. We are required to return items given to the kids should there be RU. And if there isn't RU, well as an adoptee myself it is nice to have something from your bios. The child should be the one to decide if they keep the memento. One day they may want it.I am sad for my boys because their bios demanded I give them everything now, even clothes. So now if the case goes to adoption they won't have any of those items in the future. I may think it is cheap or gross, but it means something to my kids because of where it came from. Therefore it is priceless. Febreeze is a great thing.

I will post and say I understand what you are going through. I do think some posters are going over the top making you feel guilty. I have had to toss an entire box of items that came from the parents. Sure clothes smelled but when I put my hand in box, I found myself touching rat poop, roaches and another unidentified substance. I it made me nauseous and I don't have time to do that every week. The clothes they came with were mostly wrong size, had poop on them and in my opinion just not usuable. I did make sure that the blankets they got for christmas went on their beds and clean stuffed animals go in the dryer first. We donate things that are given to us by well meaning neighbors and friends that are just not needed or wanted for the kids. Our ageny encourages us to have the child feel like a part of our family. I can't see dressing them in ill fitting rundown clothes while my child has brand new on right. I also have several small kids and parents have NO clue about safety issues and often send toys for big kids. I told them if clothes too big or toy a chokable id put it aside until they grow into it. P.s. I don't think that you rejecting some items from parents will =rejection of kids. You are the foster parent and you have standards different from the birthparents. Your lifestyle is different. Honor your family and theirs. I took pictures of family memebers, after they never sent any. They are displayed with our pics. So get some pictures of parents,take some pics of them wearing an outfit they came with. Wash what you can and follow your locality rules for store or toss.

If it is anything that can be washed, toss it in with white vinegar added......I do that and run a couple cycles, just to be certain the smell is gone. I bought a gallon of the stuff when I started fostering and have used it on EVERY piece of clothing each kiddo has had, plus a few blankets and stuffed animals. If it can't be washed, maybe putting it in a box with a bowl of vinegar and a few dryer sheets with a nice smell will help?

Ditto on that.

My fd age 2 refused gifts from her birthmom. She called her birthmom "stinks". At first I thought it was a nickname but eventually realized that her birthmom was not aware of the name. birthmom smoked, had poor hygiene, and a few other issues that caused her to have a strong odor. My fd avoided physical contact with her during visits and showed obvious signs of discomfort when contact was forced on her. She refused to allow gifts from birthmom in her bedroom. Even when I attempted to wash them. One item came directly from the package and I could not smell any odor but the new plastic smell... but she still threw a fit when I tried to bring it in the house. After discussing this with her therapist ,and her sw witnessing her rejection of birthmom gifts, I was told not to worry about trying to clean the items or to push the issue. I just started putting them in a box in the garage. I thought she might want them in the future. Two years later... Fd knows exactly where they are and will go out her way to avoid them if they are near a bike or item she wants. So, not all children feel connected to their bp or the gifts. I would watch reactions closely. In the beginning, I tried to push the items on her because I assumed it would be comforting. I may have been causing more stress in my attempts to do what I thought was right.

We had an infant with the same problem - everything smelled so bad!!! After bringing her home, my car stunk for weeks. At the next visit they sent a Bible and it smelled just as bad. Anyway - Vinegar is amazing. I washed everything with vinegar to remove the smell and then packed up what we didn't need to use. (All except one stuffed animal, bc I could put the stinky thing near her crib for the first few weeks and she would go right to sleep. It's amazing what they get used to.)

I've never had issues getting smoke smell out of clothing even if it was just saturated with the smell. :( Now I did get an actual cigarette butt in a box of items once. Such a nice touch. :eek: I did throw out a couple items that were complete junk (think very used, adult themed stuffed cartoon characters for a 3 month old) and it didn't matter because she never went back to bmom anyway plus had plenty of other nice items bmom gave her to remember her by.