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For the last five plus years I and my family have lived with my parents. They were elderly and in poor health, but I kept my promise to keep them out of a nursing home. Dad died at home in early February and mom passed four months later after breaking her led and having surgery.
Since then my older brother, who was basically estranged from my parents for years, has been making settling their estate very difficult partly because they left no will. Today our lawyer got a letter from him informing them that I was adopted as an infant. I contacted my moms sister and found out that this is true and that my dad forbade anyone from telling me.
I'm 46 years old and I'm just finding this out.
I've always believed adoption is a good option for those who are not prepared to raise their child so there are no hard feelings and my parents loved me and no one in my family, except my older brother, ever treated me as anything but family, but finding out this way is a real slap in the face.
Anyway, now I want to find out where I came from. If my birth parents don't want to know me, that's okay, but I'd like to know their ancestry and medical history.
So I'm here to learn from other's stories and see how to proceed. My life just took on a completely different direction.
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I am very sorry for your loss, both parents in such a short time frame. Please do understand that when you were adopted the laws in the majority of states, if not all, made you "as if" born to them in the eyes of inheritance laws, equal to your brother. Now to searching you may or may not have an uphill battle. It depends upon the state you were born in and adopted in. Very few states allow an adoptee access to their own records. Without the state it is impossible to give you a starting place to obtain your info, except for some well known registries. 1. ISRR.net - you fill out an on-line form and they search the registry for matches now and in the future and contact you if they find a potential match. 2. This site has a registry where you can post your info and search for matches, it is in the tab reunite above in the purple bar. Understand that your era sometimes things are wrong. Your birth date may have been changed. Your mother may not even know the sex of her child. The hospital and place may have been changed. And there were was is called grey or black market adoptions that run the spectrum of activities from the mother checking in under the adoptive mothers name to anything you can imagine. Welcome to the forum,Dickons
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Thank you for the info. I have the registration from the ISRR and am working on that and I do have some basic info like where I was born and who the birth mothers doctor was so it's a place to start. My adoptive family loved me and I never even had a clue that I was adopted except that I always felt my brother didn't like me, now I understand why. But he was the only one so I have no regrets and hold no hard feelings. I believe in adoption and always have. Again thank you for the info and direction.
I'm sorry for all your losses in such a short time. I am also very sorry for how you found out you were adopted. It was very cruel of your brother to let you in on the secret in such a way. Be prepared for feelings that make absolutely no sense. Wanting to know where you came from is not a judgement on your afamily or how much you loved them. (there are people who may look at it that way). When you find them, you may experience some grief that you have no idea was there or even why it is. (or you may not) You've been through so much, I just don't want to see you unprepared for what searching can do to your emotions. (and how many people think they have the right to tell you how to feel about it)That being said, I have a fantastic afamily, a wonderful childhood etc... and have now been blessed with knowing my bmom and siblings and it has been great. My thought is there is always enough room for love. It shouldn't be reserved and held back but shared with as many as possible. I hope your search answers some questions for you, helps you even further appreciate what you have, and does nothing but add joy to your life.
Thank you. With everything that has happened this year- and really, these things are just the tip of the iceberg believe it or not- I'm considering talking to a therapist or perhaps finding a support group. I have a wonderful family, (with the exception of my older brother) and I really hold no hard feelings towards my bmom. I worked with parenting teens for about ten years and I'm a firm believer in adoption. This has been a shock and I'm sure I'm in for a roller coaster of emotions as this unfolds, but my parents loved me and I loved them. I can't ask for more than that. I'm trying to look at this as a new adventure in my life, but I'm happy with the family I have.