How to handle this?

Ithink this is a VERY common phenomenon. My answer is "what does their race have to do with it?"

Why not ask them why they use race as identifiers? FWIW, in the past, the media did this when it was about blacks and Hispanics. And they would break it down if they were immigrants. Ask them if they would use white as an identifier if that were the case.

I agree with the other posters. I always ask "why did you have to bring race into it?". If they answer "because that's who it was", I then ask would they do the same thing if they were talking about white people? I have found that some people are thoughtful about it when it's pointed out, but sadly, more often than not, lots of people get defensive and see nothing wrong with their remarks. Let's just say there are a lot of people I look at in a different light now, and have dropped a few friends. It's the relatives that really drive me crazy, which is why I happen to steer clear of a few.

I'm probably a little b**chier than the pp'ers. I also agree that people get really defensive and don't see anything wrong with it. However, it is racism. I might (here's the b**chy part) say something like "you know that reminds me of.... and then these two white boys....(something negative)." If people are well-meaning, they will either get it without me saying anything further, or they'll ask, which opens up the door to further conversation. People who are not well-meaning will reveal themselves, and I don't have to have anything more to do with them.

ALso, if they don't get it and refuse to understand, and its not someone I can or want to cut out of my life, I tell them never to mention race around me or my child again so that it doesn't need to be a point of contention between us.

I had something like this happen when with DD's boyfriend. They were watching one of those caught of camera type shows, there was a naked man in jail that has been tasered 3times and the police still couldn't stop him. Dh made a comment that he must been "on something", boyfriend wasn't paying attention to the tv, when he looked up he said "is that a naked black guy?". I ignored that comment but then I heard him from the other room say "I wouldn't want the job of trying to take down big black guys", I then walked in the living room and he said something similar again but first he made sure our biracial son wasn't in the room and whispered the word "black" when he said it. I stopped what I was doing and said "That is very racist" he said he didn't mean it that way, so I told him firmly "THAT WAS VERY RACIST." I walked out of the room to calm down, then told him it was time for him to leave.I don't think he was meaning to be racist ,, but I felt he need to know it was inappropriate. I will admit DH and I use to identify people by their race, without even thinking about it. It was never in a negative way, for example DH might would have said "I overheard this black man at work talking about a video game, I need to check it out". We are now much more aware of it. I think people do it as a way to set the "scene' so to speak.

I have in the past and I'm trying to change. I'll just tell a story and leave the race out.