agency vs. private

January 1, 2012

not sure if this is the proper place to post this..if it needs to go somewhere else, moderators please move it.

as a birthmother, I placed my first child in a private adoption. we had some issues with finances and the practice of the prospective adoptive parents paying for "expenses". I was offered money to cover my rent, utilities, insurance premiums, food, travel..etc. I followed along, taking money to pay for things that I had no problem paying for myself. I did not know that the adoptive parents struggled to cover everything. I learned later about their financial situation. I don't want to blame everything on how expensive the adoption was, but 10yrs later, they still haven't financially recovered. :mad: when my second child was born, I was fully aware of how much money was being paid and refused to participate in the "sucking" money from the prospective parents part of adoption. baby was placed privately, I paid my own expenses. when baby H was born, her father immediately created problems which I am still fighting. baby H's legal issues have cost triple digits, and since we're not quite done, I'm still footing the bill. anyone who would like more information on that situation, I'd be happy to explain more, either privately or on a different thread. so I do have some background with adoption, and since I am currently expecting I decided to look online at what is being offered to those "facing an unplanned pregnancy". I've read enough to make me sick.

so, I'm here to ask others..

1) did you talk with more than one agency?

2) why did you choose the one you did?

3) if you chose private, what helped you to make that decision?

4) please share through PM (private message) the name of your agency and any notes about them, good or bad.

5) do you think that agencies will be honest with me about their fees and services, since I'm not the one paying their bill?

in making an adoption plan, I want the absolute best for my child..and it shouldn't cost the prospective parents their last dime and a promise of everything earned for the next ten years!

why do I care about how much they spend??? every dollar spent on the process is money that could have been spent on the child. I have no problem paying for services, but do object to making others weathly from "my mistake".

iwagrlVA

January 4, 2012

marysbaby

why do I care about how much they spend??? every dollar spent on the process is money that could have been spent on the child.

I just want to commend you for choosing to speak up about not taking money for expenses.

When I placed 18+ years ago, the only expenses my DS's APs offered to pay were my medical, but it was all covered under my parents' insurance. Yeah, I'm sure my parents paid something out of pocket, but I talked to my mom about it and we thought it would be better if that money went into a college fund for DS. Or something.

I chose the agency that I went through, because the only other choice I knew of where I lived was Catholic Charities. Bfather never would have agreed to anything or any couple who were Catholic. (Funny how much he disliked Catholics even though I was one.) My sister knew of a couple that would have gone through a private adoption, but I thought bfather would consider it suspect. So I said no.

Essentially, I chose what I thought he would agree to. I chose the one I went through, because it was supposedly Christian and he would only agree to a Christian home. Then, I chose a couple that I liked who also happened to be non-denominational Christian. That was "neutral". Basically, I catered to what the bfather would agree to. I have never had a problem with this agency (at least not yet), but I can't speak for others. I would suggest speaking to someone who placed from an agency specifically in your area, since they vary from place to place.