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:confused: HI, IM A MOTHER OF 4 BIO KIDS AND 1 FD... WE HAVE BEEN HAVING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME WITH OUR FD... WE ARE STRESSED OUT ALONG WITH OUR 4 GIRLS... WE WERE SO LOOKING FORWARD TO ADOPTING OUR FD BUT THAT WILL NOT BE THE CASE NOW. WHEN OUR FD CAME TO US WE WEREN'T TOLD ALL THE INFO ON HER PAST. WE HAVE SINCE FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAS ALOT OF BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS, SEXUALLY AND MENTALLY TO... SHE ALSO LIKES TO ABUSE ANIMALS... SHE ALSO LOVES TO LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING. IF WE HAD KNOWN ALL OF THIS I WOULD HAVE SAID NO AT THE VERY BEGINNING. SHE IS ONLY 5 YRS OLD AND KNOW SO MUCH FOR JUST A YOUNG CHILD... SHE ACTS OUT HER BEHAVIOR AND WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO HELP. WE HAVE DONE TIME OUTS, TAKING PRIVILEDGES AWAY AND ALOT OF TALKING AND NOTHING HELPS. WE HAVE DECIDED TO HAVE HER REMOVED FROM OUR HOME BECAUSE WE FEEL SHE IS NOT A FIT FOR OUR FAMILY. WE WERE SO LOOKING FORWARD TO MAKING HER A PART OF OUR FAMILY. WE NOW HAVE SPOKEN TO OUR CW BUT ALL THEY CAN SAY IS SEND HER TO A RESPITE THINKING WE WOULD CHANGE OUR MINDS. SHE HAS BEEN IN PREVIOUS FOSTER HOMES AND WAS ASKED TO BE TAKEN OUT BECAUSE OF THE SAME REASONS. I FEEL BAD FOR OUR FD BUT I HAVE OUR FAMILY TO THINK ABOUT... WE ARE ALWAYS STRESSED OUT NOW. HAS ANYONE EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THIS. IM CONFUSED AND FEEL TERRIBLE BUT WHAT ELSE CAN I DO...
Your daughter more likely has RAD. I would suggest you to find psychologist who specializes in this area. Moving this child to another family will make things worse. Her behavior is very similar to behavior of the kids with bad form of RAD. When kids are abandoned in the childhood, early childhood, it might start RAD and if not treated - it worsens with years. There is still a hope that you can help her, but it's hard when you have 4 more kids.
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Yes, this has happened to lots of people. Lots of people have had to move a child from their home before. Your agency/the state have seen this happen before, they may not be happy, but they will not be shocked. Normal reaction is to try delaying tactics, you probably will need to give a 2-week notice in writing.
Agree with the previous poster, she probably has a form of Attachment Disorder, probably Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). You could google that to learn more. Some of the things you mention are well-known characteristics of RAD.
She'd probably do better in a home with no other children, or children who are much older, or counter-intuitively, where there is only one parent. (No chance to triangulate parents against each other.) Also, with parent/s who enjoy this type of challenge (they exist).
The sexual acting out would concern me, especially if you have children anywhere close to her age, esp. if younger. It's not ethical for you not to have been told about this before she arrived. The State needs to identify a therapeutic home for her, not move her and "hope" they've found someone who can cope with her by accident.
(FWIW, it's hard to read with all capital letters.)
Our family went through this same situation. Sometimes the sw doesn't know all of the info when placing a child. Our ffd was later diagnosed as severe RAD. She was 5 and we had 3 bio kids and 1 was younger than fd. If your kids are suffering too, you need to put them first. We had our fd removed and now she has been adopted by a family with no other kids. Something to pray over and consider is.....what is best for the foster daughter? A move furthers her attachment issues; however, she could get more attention and better healing and be happiest in a home with no other children. In our situation, removing her was the best thing for HER and us too. A child with RAD needs to be the center of attention of devoted parents for their healing. You can't risk your children being abused either. Good luck. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes a child needs a certain kind of family and that's okay.
wannababy4 said it perfectly. We had a teen RAD that we were planning to adopt and we had to disrupt. We have 5 other children that were suffering. RAD almost killed one of my children, in addition to the many other relationships he was killing. Call the SW.
I agree that having 4 other kids makes it hard to handle one child with RAD. These kids should be center of attention and sooner decision is made better is for the child.
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Hi Everyone, sorry been so caught up with everything that has been going on that I haven't been able to get online... Thanks everyone for all the advice. Well, things have just gotten worse. MY FD has been telling us to shut up, swinging at us and just being mean and refuses To listen. Every time I confront her about something she starts to cry and yell from the top of her lungs like someone is killing her. Time outs are horrible, she refuses to take them and starts the screaming fit. I have spoken to our CW which has told me just 2 days ago that she will be going to a new home in a couple of weeks. A new family that just became FP. I wish them all the best. It hasn't been easy and I have even been so frustrated to the point of sitting down and crying. I can't deal with her anymore. She will only obey if you let her do as she pleases. Then acts like she has done nothing wrong. I'm so shock on how young these kids have learned to manipulate people. I'm throwing in the towel. To keep my sanity. Hopefully she will be removed soon enough. It's been really hard on my family....
Sorry to hear that this doesn't work. I wish you all the best. This little girls will need family with no other kids, therapy and love surrounding just her. She has typical behavior of the child with bad RAD and this is not her fault. this is a way how she can deal with the situation. I hope that she will overgrow this and become happy child one day