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i picked a wonderful set of parents to adopt my son and signed the papers 18 years ago yesterday. i figured since my son turned 18 i could contact him so i tried through fb and he rejected me i also sent his adoptive father a message and have had no response. I dont know what to do.... can i get in trouble for trying to send him a letter and explain why i did what i did?? or is that pushing him to far when i tried to contact him on fb it didnt give me the option to write a message so he might not know who i am and i dont understand why his parents didnt contact me back they should have known i would want a relationship with my son and i told them that i didnt want to take their place that i just wanted him to know his brother and his bf has 2 daughters so he has family that would luv to know him. what should i do ?
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I(adoptive Mom in an open adoption) would say, take a breath, you only sent it a day ago. Have you had any contact in the past 18 years? If not, having you contact them on his 18th birthday is quite a shock for all of them I'm sure. I'm sure his adoptive family have thought of you over the past 18 years, it's probably his Senior year in H.S. and there's a lot going on, trying to finish school, pick out a college, spend time with family before the summer and the rush to get things done for college. It's a very busy time. Give them time. I hope you hear something back soon.
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It might be that he doesn't want contact with you right now. I'm saying that based on your sentence stating he "rejected" you. It might be that he's told his parents about it and his dad is honoring his wishes.
It might also be what KLL said that it hasn't been enough time yet for dad & maybe he hasn't gotten your FB msg. My dh doesn't check fb on a daily basis, so maybe he's the same way.
I also agree with KLL about this being his senior year, and his mind is likely elsewhere right now. 18 isn't a magical age of reunion, and especially not for boys, from what I've seen and heard over the years.
Hopefully if dad sees your message he responds, even if it's just to tell you that ds doesn't want contact at this time.
Take it SLOW!
Not all kids are "adults" at 18.
Just as an example: Our Adaughter is 18, but she is a very immature 18 and a HS Junior. We've spent so much time in therapy getting her stabalized, that all of the "excitement" and "expectations from the BF" with the BMom & BFamily reconnect has caused so much anxiety and stress that she's ended up in the hospital and on more meds.
She already had RAD, PTSD and Anxiety issues. The BM and BGM can't get it through their skulls that they need to back off and give her time to mature.
Let the family know how to contact you and then give them the respect of knowing your kid by raising him for the past 18 years to know if this is the right time for their child to meet you.
I am an adoptee who reunited with my BFamilty. I am all for birth family reunions. I alos know that 18 is not a majic number.
Please be patient.:wings:
Adult adoptees are ready for reunion when they are ready, not at any set age. Birth families have often been dreaming of and waiting for that magic age of 18 to reconnect. Some adoptees are more than eager to find bfamily at 18 (They too have have dreams and fantasies about this other family.) Other adoptees have no desire to make contact at that point. My bson told me that had we had contact at 18 or even 25, the outcome would have been very different. At 32, it was the "right" time for us.
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