Birth child/foster child not getting along

I can so relate. I would say to just be patient and try not to read to much into it unless your teen tells you there is more to it. It could just be the age difference. Playing with a friend and living with a sibling are two different things. My son, 12 and mildly autistic, has a hard time relating to small children. He and my 3yr old FS have a very night and day relationship. Once after a long couple of days of butting heads and outright ignoring little one, I came right out and asked him (alone of course) if he wanted to be a big brother or not. He gave me a yes that had no doubt to it. I said, "Well if you do then you have to be nice." It ended that particular battle, but differences are still there. The boys just don't relate to one another, not at this age/stage. One minute it is fight, scream, tattle, and the next they are cackling with laughter. But I have two bios, so fighting siblings are nothing new to me. I encourage bonding when I can, and give them space to do their own thing. This really is pretty normal. Hope it helps.:flower:

That's a tough age difference. Pumpkin is 12 and Monkey Man is 6 and they too can't get along for more than 15 minutes at a time. They just push each other's buttons constantly - and they are NOT trying to do so. And jealousy is a factor for Pumpkin too. It's not easy being the older one, who inherent to the age difference will always have more responsibilities and expectations.I don't have a lot of suggestions but I do want you to know that others are right there with you and it is hard.

Thank you so much. I think I just needed some reassurance that I am not the only one.

Just to add to your reassurance, my friend has kids (her bios) who are 11 yrs apart, and they really didn't get along until her daughter was 16-17, and mature enough to "get it". I definitely think it's got to be hard for your daughter, being an only child for so long, and all of a sudden having a walking, talking, pestering little foster sister. But you will all get through it. If it becomes too much (and you end up not adopting because of it), maybe try a younger age group. Most 14 y.o. girls I know don't want to play with 6 year olds, but all of them adore babies!

Growing up there were 6 of us and I would have to say that in our family the definition of sibling love was that WE could fight, argue and try to beat the stuffing out of one another but NOONE else was permitted to say a mean word or give a nasty look at any one of us or they had to deal with all 6 of us:evilgrin: Sibling rivalry is normal, being a little jealous because you were the only child for 13 years is normal. Try and get some one on one time with each of them on a regular basis just to reassure them they are each special to you and post as often as you need to. This is a great place for venting and getting advice:love:

Being that we have 4 siblings in the house fighting is nearly constant. Sounds like the youngest is feeling safe and testing her situation. If available see if the girls and you cando some family therapy to improve communication skills. Just because your daughter is a teen doesn't mean that she is understanding everything happening either. Being the only child and having another sibling come in that probably gets a ton of attention is hard. Doesn't make you a bad Mom just means it's a hard adjustment. I have 3 girls and their relationships with eachother tend to change every few monthsdepending on where each is at. I'd keep encouraging and be very honest and careful about how "fair" you are. My foster kids were moved from 3 different home due to the families having bio kids. If you are moving towards adoption I would make it clear that it doesn't matter bio and foster- but sometimes decisions are based on age.

I agree it could be the age differences...or it could be an end to the honeymoon piece and depending on how many placements and her history of caregivers in her life/leaving her she may be testing the boundaries to see if your family is going to "stick around" or leave her also...Good luck!

I will add my two cents although it might not be a popular opinon, that is OK. I figure it's just something for you to think about... :o So, if you are adopting your fc simply because there is no one else and she is not a true fit for your family, it could end badly. If you love her and you can't imagine life without her, then I am sure the sibling rivalry can be worked through in one way or another. Also, your bio child should come first, imho. You could always wait to adopt until she is out of the house, since she is a teenager. again, jmho! :love:

My boys (all bio) are now 23, 19 and 14. The older played together OK when they were young but once the oldest hit the teenage years he could not be bothered by his brother. The 19 year old played with the youngest pretty much the same time frame. When he turned 13 or 14 he didn't want to be bothered by the younger one hanging around. The oldest really didn't pay much attention to the youngest until just a couple of years ago. Now they play games online (oldest lives 2 hours away) and text each other but prior to that their interaction was limited to either watching retro cartoons on video or yelling at each other. Oldest had NO patience!!!! And the youngest? Much like you described. He would "casually" mention things that would get the older two in trouble. And my middle son? He would do whatever it took to get BOTH of his brothers in trouble as long as it meant the attention wasn't on him (because I can guarantee he was up to something ALL the time). While I know your situation is much different and introducing a new child into your home and family creates all kinds of dynamics if you are really dedicated to keeping your FD I would give it some time and really see if it is "who" they are vs. "where" they are in age and maturity.

I am glad I happened upon this thread. We are having a similar issue with our children. Our youngest bio and the youngest of the sisters can not seem to get along at all! Youngest fd lies a lot, bio son calls her loudly out and they just feed off each other till the whole house is up in arms! Sibs have been with us almost six weeks and already TPR is first of the month. We are their first non relative foster family they have had. BIGGEST QUESTION is if we are on the fence, do we move them on to a more ready pre-adoptive home? I worry that they longer they are in the system while we wait to decide the less chance they have to find a forever home if we are not it. But they are only our first non emergency or reunion foster children... Such a heavy heart on this one. Any one have words of wisdom?:(