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January 26, 2012
Ok so we put in our home study for a little girl as an adoptive placement. She is 2 1/2 and has Maltreatment Reaction Disorder and there are concerns for developing RAD. I've found a lot of info on RAD but nothing on what she has.. is it a more mild form of RAD? They said she has severe tantrums. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly classifies a sever tantrum. Also that she'll hit other kids with toys but she's two my almost two year old hits his brothers with his toys and he's fine. He also screams and throws himself to the floor if I tell him no. Thats part of toddlerhood. I'm trying to figure out what exactly severe means to the adoption committee. Most of the stuff they describe sound typical of toddlers maybe a little more on the rough side which would be expected from her past. So any one have any tips or questions that I should as when (IF) they call back to tell us we're being considered?
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I think therapist make this stuff up to avoid real terms.
How many times has this child been moved? Why?
Has she shown any signs of bonding to anyone?
Severe tantrums could mean screaming for 6 hours at a time or throwing things while screaming, ramming her head into things while screaming. Ask them what her severe tantrums look like or if you can, ask her foster mom.
Ask if the child is developmentally on target or shows any signs of fetal alcohol issues.
Part of the difference with a toddler without trauma is that you can often redirect them or have them say I'm sorry and move on with play or sit them in time out and they learn not to do the behavior. A child with trauma may refuse redirection and accelerate the behavior. They won't understand that a time out has anything to do with the behavior that caused it so cannot learn from the consequence.
A healthy toddler can be consoled when they are upset, a traumatized one likely won't allow you too, or worse, can't allow you too and gets worse when you try.
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January 26, 2012
No fetal alcohol but there was marijuana and cocaine use during pregnancy. She has been in 5 homes and her mother (also in care) ran away which they say may have started the whole thing. She is in speech therapy which suprises me since she's only 2. Oh and they made a comment that she isn't cooperative with potty training. Again it makes me question how old they think she is. I wait till 3 to start potty training and moving 5 times in 2 1/2 years would make it hard anyway. Very good questions though thank you, I'm adding them to my list for when (finger crossed) they call.
Uncooperative with potty training could mean she takes her diaper off and poops all over the house. Or it could be a foster parent with unrealistic expectations.Our hardest kid's behaviors were deliberately downplayed by the social workers and the foster family, probably to make it easier to get them adopted. Our easiest kid's behaviors were exaggerated, probably because the foster family wanted to increase their service level and get more money.The family who is selected will get a lot more information and another chance to say no. Don't spend a lot of time worrying about it until then.
Not sure about that DX, but I can tell you my son with RAD had severe tantrums at 2. He would scream for hours. Refused to stay in time-out. It was hard. Took a of lot time and consistancy to get him under control. He was also in speech at 2 1/2 because he could not properly form words. He needed help developing his tongue muscles and practice forming sounds. When he came he only had 2 words we coud understand and one word he said regularly that we couldn't. Turned out we were lucky he couldn't properly say the third word. After a couple weeks his sister told us he was calling us (and most adults he met) a 'b****'!
Keep in mind they usually try to word things nicely when finding families to consider children. Hoping you are able to get more details soon. Good luck with your decision.