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[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I don't exactly know how to start this off, but here goes, I am currently 22 years old and 24 weeks pregnant with my first child and this pregnancy was completely unplanned. I met the father of my child and got pregnant literally a week after knowing him. *He removed the condom during intercourse without my knowledge*. So here I am. I never considered abortion just because I believe this situation is my responsibility to deal with. I had been planning all along to keep my child but as I found out more about the father of my child I have become more and more weary of keeping the child around him. He lied to me about everything under the moon, and I recently found out he is a felon and under 5 years probation for deadly assault with a firearm. I don't exactly understand how he never went to prison for this but it is besides the point I suppose. He is fully aware of the pregnancy and has threatened to take the child from me multiple times. There is no way he would even consider signing his rights away. I've found myself lately contemplating adoption to keep this innocent baby away from his father. I myself lost my job when they found out I was pregnant and have been receiving all the support possible from my mother. I've come to a dead end in this issue because I've read through multiple sources online that a birth father needs to be involved in the adoption process, which I know he will never agree to. I don't know what to do in regards to exploring the adoption process more as well as the option of keeping my child and ways to protect us from his father. I havent been able to sleep because of this and Im trying to keep calm. Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated, I just need some support right now and don't know where to turn. Thank you so much.:thanks: [/FONT]
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Ashley,
First, take a deep breath! You have time to figure things out. There are lots of services that you can contact to help you out. Try Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota. I used them to adopt my daughter. They have social workers that can answer your questions, or put you in contact with legal help as well. And if you do choose to make an adoption plan, they can help with that too. There are so many families, like me, who would love to adopt your child and give them a safe and secure upbringing. But if adoption does not turn out to be your plan, you should at least be able to get some guidance at an agency like LSS, that has social services other than adoption available.
Good luck on your journey. You are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Hello Ashley, we are sorry to hear that you are facing a difficult situation. First and foremost is your safety and that of your baby. Hearing of his history, you never know what he may be capable of. It is good that your mother can provide a support system for you. Depending on what state you are in, there are different laws and criteria regarding a birth father's rights regarding the adoption process. You may want to seek out the guidance of a local adoption agency to discuss your options, and get answers to the birth father questions. Here is a link to Bethany Christian Services. Bethany Christian Services.They have several offices nationwide and a 1-800 #, and hopefully they can assist you and provide resources that you may need. Hope this helps. Again, our thoughts and prayers are with you during this. There are many wonderful people on this forum that may also be able to provide further insight to you. Remember, regardless of the circumstances, your child is a blessing. We pray that you find comfort and peace with whatever decision you come to. Warmest regards,John and Sheila
Last update on July 30, 12:21 am by Sachin Gupta.
Hey Ashley. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I wish you all the best!
I am thinking you have to go and talk to someone in your area. Is there a family planning or counseling services available to you where you live?
Many adoption agencies have 1800 numbers with councilors standing by to answer your questions and be of some comfort to you. They won't pressure you and want the best for you and the baby.
I would say to keep your distance from this guy. If he has lied to you, he will continue to. (A Zebra doesn't change it's stripes)
Think of you and the baby and get some counseling right away.
Wishing you all the best.
***Second posting, as our first "quick reply" didn't seem to work.Hello Ashley, we are sorry to hear that you are facing a difficult situation. First and foremost is your safety and that of your baby. Hearing of the birth father's history, you never know what he may be capable of. It is good that your mother can provide a support system for you. Depending on what state you are in, there are different laws and criteria regarding a birth father's rights regarding the adoption. Here is a link to Bethany Christian Services, they have several locations and a 1-800#. Hope fully they can provide guidance and resources regarding your concerns.Bethany Christian Services. There are many wonderful people on this forum that may be able to offer further advice to you. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you. Remember, regardless of the circumstances, your child is a blessing. We hope that you find answers, comfort and peace with whatever decision you come to.Warmest regards,John and Sheila
Last update on July 30, 12:22 am by Sachin Gupta.
You should keep in mind that both parents have to consent to an adoption plan. So putting the baby up for adoption does not keep this child away from his father.
If parenting is what you want to do, you should look into whether or not there are legal things you can do to keep the father away if this is a domestic violence type of issue.
If adoption is what you want to do, you will have to come up with a plan with the father's involvement in most states, especially if he is aware of the pregnancy.
If you terminate your rights and he does not, you could be in a situation where he gets custody of the baby and you have no rights. You should really try to seek counseling on this. Perhaps you can call the local police dept and see if they can refer you to a domestic violence shelter. Not because you need shelter, but because they probably deal with this type of situation and have resources available to you.
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Okay...here is the answer...several....make him think that you lost the baby..you miscarried..then go somewhere far away from where he is and think...maybe a relatives house in another state or city..then think some more. If you do decide to give the child up for adoption then you need to make sure to put father unknown on the birth certificate...tell the doctors that it is one of 3 men. Leave it at that. on the other hand if you decide to keep the baby, then just stay where you go to have the baby..get u a good education and raise your child.
Hi Ashley!
I understand how hard this is. I was in a similar situation when I was 15 (I'm now 39) and I kept my daughter. I am now a Doula and would like to offer any support I can to you. A Doula is someone who can give you emotional and physical support during your pregnancy by helping you gather resources and anything else you may need. A Doula also supports you when you go into labor and deliver your baby (whether you choose adoption or not). I can rub your back, help you find comfortable positions to give birth in, help alleviate any fears you may have, answer questions, and help you have a good birthing experience. Please let me know if you would like my assistance. I will do this free of charge for you if you are in my area. I service the Tri-Cities in Tennessee and Southwest Virginia. You can email me at kgalleryportraits@hotmail.com . Good luck!
Ashley, we feel for you. You have difficult decisions ahead of you. My wife and I have been trying to have a baby with no luck. We are frustrated. We have so much love to give to a baby. If you decide to proceed to place your child for adoption. Please know there are people like my wife and I that will provide a wonderful home for him or her.
David and Maria Carpio
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i am new here and don't know much. i am pg and choosing to give her up but not to a company that buys them. its been sucking the way if feel but i know its the right thing for her )(I think the baby is a girl). i am looking for someone who understands me. i aint perfect but know i got "lotsalovetogive" to someone who can take care of my baby better then me. email me. i need someone to talk to.
somedays i just wanna take a gun to myself. but then theres this thing in me that needs me for a while and then i m gonna give her a better place. maybe then i won't think about eating a 42. please talk to me. i got no one.
Hi, You've obviously told this guy that the baby is his, but could you backtrack on that and tell him the baby is not his? Is it too late for that? Do you two live in the same town? Are you tied to the area? Do you have family there? It may sound radical but could you move away? This guy may not have the smarts/motivation to actually know how to find you. (im just speculating, of course) He sounds unstable and, hopefully he's just a big talker without being a doer.
One thing i would suggest is to try to cut all contact with him. If he has your phone number, change it. Tell every friend you know that they should NOT share any information about you with anyone who might know this guy. Where is it that you see him? Does he show up at your house? Try to halt all communication with him. It sounds as if he's playing a control game with you.
Finally, as others have suggested, get some legal advice fast. Could you, for example, put the child up for adoption and claim that you don't know who the father is?
Just some thoughts. Good luck to you!
just wrote you a lengthy post that seems to have disappeared. To summarize, 1. Is it too late for your to tell this guy that you were mistaken and that the baby is not his? 2. Is it possible that you could move away from the area so that the dad can't find you? 3. Tell your friends and family to immediately stop from talking about you to this guy and to anyone who might know this guy. Cut all communication between the two of you. 4. Get professional legal counseling as the previous poster suggested. Would it be possible for you to go the adoption route and claim that you don't know who the father is? Sounds a little radical, but if it's possible you might consider it.
Good luck to you!!
Hey Ashley, I'm sorry you are going through this first off, I have been there before. You might want to read about your options online and educate yourself a little on each of your options before making any big decisions. Now about that guy, if you seriously feel threatened or that he would be a threat, you can go get a temporary protective order. You would have to explain in detail why you feel the way you do, and they would go through a process of approving it...then he'd get served papers that tell him he is not allowed to be within so many feet of you. That is something to consider if it's serious. Also consider your position versus his. If a court sees his record, he will not have a good chance of getting the baby and you could possibly file for complete custody if thats what you wanted. Just make sure to read carefully about the law in your state and consider everything carefully. I hope that helps a little...
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