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I have reason to believe that I was adopted as an infant. Over the years, various family members and friends would comment or infer that my mother or parents had gottenӔ me. I also have memories of my mother telling me that I was specialӔ because I wasnt ғlike other babies because they actually got to go in and ԓpick me out.
I lived in a small community, and I distinctly remember an incident from sixth grade. I had two "cousins" in my class, and we were working on a project having something to do with our families. I said something about my parents, and the other girls in my group all chimed in and said things like, "My mom says that you were adopted...they aren't your real parents...". I was so confused and hurt. That's when I started shutting down and stopped trying to be friends with girls.
As I became older and tried to question my mother as to who I resembled, why there were no pictures of me as an infant (because she was an amateur photographer, and I found it odd that there were more pictures of the cats than me), and about my birth history, she would always have a reason or story-all of which seem to have changed slightly with time and/or become more embellished over the years.
My maternal grandfather remarried when I was 8 or 9, and that woman was pure evil. When no one was around, she made sure to remind me that I didn't belong in his home, that I wasn't "his", and that he didn't want me around.
My mother was a functioning alcoholic who abused prescription and OTC meds. From the outside, we looked like an ideal family. However, it was hell. I can honestly say that I was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by my mother.
My father and his side of the family loved me unconditionally. They tried to act as buffers between her and me, but they couldn't be there all the time. My father died in 2003, and my mother moved in with us. She has had multiple opportunities over the years to speak up and tell me the truth; however, she has successfully withheld information from me for nearly forty-five years, so I am certain that she will not willingly provide the truth at this point.
In February 2011, my mother stated that she had received a phone call (at my residence as my mother resides with me and my family) from a woman who was calling on behalf of her husband. He had discovered that his mother had put a baby girl up for adoption, and she/they recalled a ԓ...couple who had adopted a baby girl. At the time, my mother worked at a bank, and the woman mentioned that. My mother claimed to me that she ԓtold her it was none of her business, that she had indeed given birth to me, and told the woman not to call any more. In truth, we believe the woman had called two months earlier because my husband had taken a phone call asking for my mother by name and mentioning that she knew her from working at the bank. At the time, we thought nothing of it, but I quickly put the pieces together.
With the recent death of my aunt, the issue of adoption was raised again. During the process of arranging my aunt's funeral, I asked my cousin (ten years older) about my birth history. At first, he said, "I don't know. All I know is that you're my cousin. I don't remember anything. I just remember that one day you were there." I told him why I asked, and then he grew really quiet and said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I remember people saying things about it (my being adopted...he couldn't even say it), but I didn't pay any attention. I figured they were rumors, and all I knew was that you were my cousin, you were family, and I loved you."
So, at the start of this week, with my husband's support, I decided to start the process of finding an answer. Within 24 hours, I spoke with a person at the state's Mutual Consent Registry and found out (just by giving her the information on my birth certificate) that my parents did indeed apply to be an adoptive family. I am currently in the process of filling out more detailed paperwork to submit to her office in the hopes of finding out something more definitive.
I can only explain my motivation as this:
*I have always felt as though everyone around me knew something/everything, and that I was left out of knowing what that was.
*Although my mother and other family members have tried to share family history and geneology with me, I have never been interested or felt a desire to know.
*I feel no real connection to family members or my mother. What I do and how I behave are reactionary. At 45, I look and listen to other friends and their parents, and I know that there's a disconnect.
*I have fought rage and sadness on and off my whole life, and I couldn't pinpoint why.
*I'm tired of keeping her secrets-especially for a woman who would claim to "hate sneaks and liars".
When I first opened up to my husband nearly three years ago, I felt my spiritual load lighten. He supported me and empowered me to move forward and not feel guilty about possibly hurting her because she has damaged me in so many ways. I do feel empowered with each friend I confide in.
I cannot express how thankful I am to be able to read some of the stories shared here and, for the first time, not feel alone, ashamed, or guilty for wanting to know more.
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Well, I have breaking news!
After much internal debate, I contacted another cousin. She and I are the same age, and we grew up in the same community.
I sent her a message and asked if/what she knew. She confirmed everything. In her words, "We all knew, and we honestly thought you knew. We just thought you were well-adjusted and accepted things because you knew the truth."
She and her mother are very supportive of my situation, and they were tearful about finding out that I knew very little and that my mother's story has changed and been embellished over the years.
I'll still wait for official documentation, but at least I have the peace of mind of knowing my truth.
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As an adoptive mom myself let me start by saying that you NEED to find out all you can. I'm sorry for your relationship with your mom. Not defending her at all, but at her age, that was how it was "done" then. Here in the south especially, I have seen so many secrets that tear families apart!
You don't owe her any explanations. You don't owe her any appologies. Find your answers. If you need to tell her, make it honest, to the point and unappologetic (sp?) :)
God bless you in your journey! Please keep us posted!
I just wanted to let everyone know that on 4/23, I found and spoke with my brother for the first time. We are keeping in touch by texting and FB, and we are just getting to know each other.
His adoption situation has been completely different from mine; it was always in the open, and he has two wonderful, loving parents. He said he had been curious about his birth history, but never felt as though something/someone that he needed to find was missing.
Oddly enough, he never knew about me and he was not the person who tried to contact me over a year ago. So, I sort of blindsided him. I'm not going to pursue those phone calls at this time. My (adoptive) mother is mentally unstable. Her stories change frequently, and her memory is foggy at best.
I am still on a rush. I literally began the search into my birth history/adoption on February 13, 2012. Although, there have been moments where things seemed hopeless, it's astonishing how quickly the pieces have come together.
Again, this was the first site I visited. Even just lurking and reading others' stories gave me the support and strength I needed to keep moving forward. If I had not visited this board/forum first, I'm not sure that I would have been as successful.
Thanks to you all and blessings to you on your journeys.
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I just wanted to let everyone know that on 4/23, I found and spoke with my brother for the first time. We are keeping in touch by texting and FB, and we are just getting to know each other.
His adoption situation has been completely different from mine; it was always in the open, and he has two wonderful, loving parents. He said he had been curious about his birth history, but never felt as though something/someone that he needed to find was missing.
Oddly enough, he never knew about me and he was not the person who tried to contact me over a year ago. So, I sort of blindsided him. I'm not going to pursue those phone calls at this time. My (adoptive) mother is mentally unstable. Her stories change frequently, and her memory is foggy at best.
I am still on a rush. I literally began the search into my birth history/adoption on February 13, 2012. Although, there have been moments where things seemed hopeless, it's astonishing how quickly the pieces have come together.
Again, this was the first site I visited. Even just lurking and reading others' stories gave me the support and strength I needed to keep moving forward. If I had not visited this board/forum first, I'm not sure that I would have been as successful.
Thanks to you all and blessings to you on your journeys.
I am late in seeing this but many times everyone seems to know except the adoptee. It is sad that your amom is unstable I am sorry for that. Sometimes parents try to protect their children from truths and end up hurting them in the long run. I am not defending your amoms actions for I do not know the entire situation. Just saying too that as people get older they sometoimes become foggy/dementia maybe? IDK only speaking from my experience that by the time I found my bmom it seemed everyone knew who she was except me. I felt like I was living a huge joke at first now years later I know it was all to try and protect me from an unstable selfish maniputalive self center bmom. Now I cound my blessings that I was raised by my aparents. I know that is not always the case but that is how it is for me.
Things were different back then in the closed era. Bmoms were told to just forget and aparents were told to act like the adoptees were babies they gave birth to.
As time evolved and society changed all these babies have grown up deserving to know the truth and with technology and the internet it is hard to hide anymore..
I wish you all the best.
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