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I am doing kinship care for my nephew -- I am not a licensed foster parent. (if I had known he'd still be here at 18 months -- and maybe forever! -- I would've gotten licensed. We are starting the class in April.) So there is a lot I don't know and a lot that I wonder about. Just wondering if anyone could give me insight on a few things. I'll try to wait 24 hours in between more questions. :D 1. Kind of a silly question, but since I am not a licensed foster parent can I still refer to my nephew as my foster son? in some situations it would be easier to call him that since the term in itself is an explanation of why he lives with me. (I wouldn't call him that in his hearing ... he calls us Aunt and Uncle and I don't want to confuse him further.) 2. How on earth are you supposed to know what you should and shouldn't do? When I started reading these forums several months ago I found out you shouldn't get a haircut without permission? At that point he'd had like 5 haircuts and no one said a word. I didn't get any kind of guidance from DHS. If there's a handbook out there they didn't give me one. 3. Are they really relaxed with kinship care or have my nephew's case workers been negligent? They did a background check and did a home study, but the home study was ten minutes of basic questions and a quick walk around the house. They didn't open any closets or anything, or ask where I kept the vats of bleach, or knives, or anything. (he had just turned 3 so we had expected toddler-proofing inquiries.) We didn't have to do any drug testing (I personally felt that ought to have been mandatory, but I thought it would sound weird if we complained because we weren't ordered to take a drug test). I kept thinking they'd do a surprise visit, but in 18 months there hasn't been anything. In fact, it's been 10 months since the SW has even been to our house. It has been obvious that my nephew has flourished amazingly since being in our care so maybe that's part of why they haven't really done much checking? 4. I know the usual acronyms ... AD = adopted daughter, FS = foster son, etc ... what acronym do you use for a child who's in your care via kinship and not foster?? I am lazy and don't want to keep typing out "my nephew". thank you!!! :D
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I'm a kinship foster parent as well. I used to introduce the kids as my neice and nephew, although they are actually distant cousins. I was called "auntie" but now they call me mom. We will be adopting in a few months. I am a straight foster parent as well, although I do not have a current placement and will probably not accept one. Our CW always puts us on a back burner because we are a kinship placement & we have few problems. Its nice in a way, but as you alluded to the support is not there at the same time. In our area we are not allowed to post pics of our kids or give any information to the other bios due to confidentiality. Its really rediculous because I see most of the kids bios weekly and even daily. I got bawled out a couple of months ago for sending pics to the kids grandparents who live out of town. Really? Its taking forever for the court to give these kids permanacy and yet we are supposed to leave the grandparents high and dry for two years? In our county, they gave us a manual about what we can and cannot do. We can't baptize the kids, have to clear daycare and school placements with CPS, give them reports when they go the the doctor or dentist, and can't leave the kids with anyone not fingerprinted. One thing I've learned the past two years is that every area is different with rules and expectations. I think you may want to have a discussion with your social worker on what you can and can not do.
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I am doing kinship care for my niece (6) & nephew (3) as well. I agree that it seems much more relaxed compared to what some true foster parents go through on here. I personally refer to them as my niece & nephew unless I have to refer to them as my foster children, to make the point of why they live with me. I don't ever say it in front of them though. I think I would prefer to keep them sheltered from the situation as much as possible. Maybe that's me being the protective auntie I always have been to them! (I don't like the fact that they could be teased for this or the feeling that it could bring along)We have had them almost 7 months and we do anything we want pretty much when it comes to cutting hair, what clothes to wear, where we take them (within reason) etc. We've never been told a thing otherwise. Their birthmom (my half-sister) and their BD come over to my house to visit weekly. We are no longer close what so ever and there is a lot of tension between us, but I don't think they speak up in terms of our parenting job because they know we are doing a much better job (if i can speak for myself, hehe) and their children are safe and with family that would give the world to them to protect them.Nice to meet another kinship caregiver, good luck though everything, I know it has been a rough road for us.
Hi, Im also kinship foster with my nephew. Im really surprised your SW hasnt visited in 10 months. Our SW visits at least once a month, both before and after we got our license. We didnt learn about what to do and not to do until after we started classes. By then we'd already broken several rules. Crossing state line, hair cuts, posting pics. Thankfully the CW didnt make a big deal out of it. I think they are more relaxed with kinship but 10 months seems a bit negligent, of course thats just my opinion. Do you have meetings where the CW sees your nephew? Maybe thats why there are so few home visits. Anyway, its nice to meet another kinship parent :) P.S. I hope theres an acronym for kinship foster too.
hello i also was doing a kinship placement. to me the rules are about the same as fostercare. im the grandmother of the 3 kids and we all had to get fingerprints background's house inspection's i was told not to post picture's of the kids on any site like fb and myspace. only call the parents on the order from the judge 1 time a week for 30 min's the parents lived in one state as for me i lived in a diffent state. we went thru icpc i was not licenened since in my state didnt request it i took all the mapp classes that the sending state asked for, after all was said and done i adopted the 3 kids this past december