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How do I relate to certain family and friends who keep telling me horror stories about foster care adoption and insist that my kids will end up killing me? I'm getting so irritated with them that I feel like not communicating any longer about the adoption, and not letting them see the kids when I do adopt. I have other friends who are very supportive. The family members are ones I only see about twice a year and I'm not counting on them for any help raising my children. I think I'm pretty well informed about what I'm getting into. Background: I'm a single, older man and am in the process of completing my home study, and the matching process should begin by April.
First of all-welcome & good luck with your endevour. Foster-adopting is a difficult, but extremly rewarding path.
My friends were very supportive, but my Dad's side of the family was worried. My Dad's parents adopted his sister from foster care at 5. She had many difficult behaviors. My grandparents were not able to manage her, she came to live with my family for awhile until my parents were afraid we would be hurt. She went to live in residential facilities the rest of high school. I now realize that she probably had RAD, but this was the 70's and probably not as much was known how to help kids with this problem as is known today. So I understand the difficulty. Now that I have been a foster parent for four years, they realize not all kids are as hurt as my aunt was and now they are very supportive. She has a happy ending, though. After a difficult childhood, my aunt is now a normal adult with a husband, two kids and a good job. It took a lot of work and her wanting to get well, but she did it! She's not the typical Mom, but she is there for her kids and she's stayed out of trouble and is responsible. A sucess story for sure. We are all very proud of how far she came. :clap:
I hope that your family and friends will come around quickly when they see you and the child/children become a loving family. It should take less time than my family who had a difficult experience. Good luck to you! I really hope they come around. Us foster parents can use all the support we can get!
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I dunno, have you tried, "Oh, that reminds me! I just read an article about people who have JUST your body type! Few of them live past (add 2 years to their age) -- because of heart disease! Did you see that, and are you worrying about it?"
Or how about, "The agency warned me that certain things about adoption would be a pain -- think I'm looking at two of them."
OK, so you can't say either of those, but I hope you laughed. But you can think, "What you think of me is none of my business." And you might be able to say that. Really, IMO, if you can just reduce their comments in size so you're thinking, "Boy, I could swear a breeze just kicked up, there were some whooshing sounds in here a second ago" -- and don't let them affect you any more than that. Because there's one in every crowd -- no matter who you are or who your family/co-workers / neighbors are... someone's going to play those tunes.
So what ages are you looking for? One child, or more than one to start? If not for the comments, are you getting excited? :-)
Thank you both for your thoughtful responses! I knew this was the place I should go for encouragement. I'd like to find two sibling boys in the six-to-eleven year range, but am open to a boy and a girl (or even three children if I think I can handle them). I have a really large house and live alone, so am looking forward to building a family. In January I started volunteering to help third graders with reading at the local elementary school, and I love being with the kids. I am very excited about this and of course, a little scared; not so much about the kids being difficult, but about me being a good parent. The people who are being negative seem to be ones who live their whole lives in fear of the world. One nice thing me adopting is that I'm retired, so have a lot of time to devote to children and won't need to use daycare at all. (I attached a picture below of me being happy about adopting!)
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