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I am sure there are plenty of posts about this but I cannot find them. My 11 year old AD, H, has been urinating in inappropriate places pretty consistently for the three years she has been with us. It is escalating. We have been told for years that this is 'normal' and it's a 'control issue' and 'don't make a big fuss over it and she will stop' Well she's not stopping. We gave her overnights because she was "wetting her bed"....and floor, and clothes, and carpet. Well now she has a bowel movement in her pull up as well and throws it around her room. Her bed, pillows, blankets, clothes on floor, stuffed animals ALL smell like urine...again. We have taken everything out of her room because she was ruining her things. She now has a bed and a tub with her clothes in it. We have started to make her wash her own clothes and bedding and have tried not to show anger or any emotions when we find these things urined on. We have had to rip the carpet up in her room and tear out and replace a wall. She insisted it was the cat doing it. We rehomed the cat and it's still happening so we KNOW it was her. She lies all the time about it. Says she peed in her sleep, or she's too scared to go to the bathroom BUT now she's not to scared to leave her room to ransack the pantries at night. We FINALLY got her into a behavioral health facility that is FINALLY telling us this is NOT normal and will be offering her services, including EMDR therapy. Well my husband and I are taking a group class through this behavioral facility called parenting the child with attachment and trauma issues. Tonight I brought up my daughter's issues and they asked if she has been medically checked out. We have brought this up to her pediatrician who feels it is behavioral. We know she CAN control it because while we were repairing her room she was sleeping on the couch with me and never had an issue. Then they told me the worst thing I'd ever heard.....she was probably sexually abused. I know she has witnessed sexual acts among adults but I do not know if she was physically sexually abused. They said that when they urinate on things, themselves, their bed, they are making themselves nasty so no one wants to touch them. Has anyone had experience with this?
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I'm glad they are finally taking you seriously. While I have no firsthand experience, my first thought was that she was SA :( if she has been and it hasn't addressed it's not surprising she is only getting worse. Is she in therapy? I hope they can get to the bottom of it and get her the help she needs.
I would say SA also,, the act or urinating and defacating in their bed or surroundings is to make them "un attractive" to the predators. Once they no longer being SA.. the act of protecting them selves stays. it could be that she was only a witness.. and still feel the need to protect her self. Not sure what to do to help though.. and I am sorry you and her have to deal with this.
I agree with SA. And she is now reaching that age where hormones start, boys, etc, so she is probably having more conflict in herself and is trying to make herself as nasty as possible to protect herself. I would broach the subject when you can, if you read the paper and see an article about someone sexually abusing a child, make a statement how sad it is and how brave the child is for telling about it. Put the seed in her head that she is not alone and telling is okay. She might not be ready just yet, but when she is, she will know she can come to you. Good luck.
I am going through a similar thing with my FS, only not nearly as messy. He's been peeing in his pull up for quite a while. I suspected SA and as soon as certain things fell into place that might lead to them being RU, the pooping started back up again (the peeing continued). Fortunately, the thought of being RU gave the other FS the strengt to speak up about being abused. Both boys have given their statement to CPS and they know that we're doing everything we can to protect them. The pooping is no longer a daily occurance, but the peeing continues. I have talked to FS and told him there is no need to make himself dirty to scare away the abuser anymore, but it's a daily job to remind him of this to help him feel safe. I also remind him to 'make good choices' and that's out little private saying to remind him to use the potty instead of his pull up. Both boys are in therapy and I'm hoping that, if nothing else, the behavior gets better once we see results from the CPS investigation. Good luck, I know first hand it's not easy dealing with this.
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It may be (and should be) your worst nightmare to hear this, but considering that statistics are something like 1 in 3 to 1 in 5 women have been molested, and something like 1 in 6 to 1 in 10 men... there are a lot of competent, decent adults in our world who have survived and overcome this. In our classes they said something like 80% of the children in foster care have experienced SA, so many FPs also deal with what you are facing.The earlier she gets help the better, and she has you on her side to help her.