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Me and my adopted sister grew up together for almost all our lives. We had the usual sibling fights and bonding moments when we were kids. We were only able to know the truth when I was 11 years old and she was 10. After that, our lives pretty went on as normal as it was until everything made sense to me as I grew into adulthood.
When I was a kid it was always my issue to my parents and grandparents that she was everyone's favorite, maybe because she was always the sweetest and the good girl, and I would always left wondering and sad. Then it hit me as I learned the truth.
I'd always believe that I'm coping well to the fact as I understood the reasons of my birth parents (who I knew and are close to me by the way) and my adopted parents. Or maybe I just fooled myself that I was trying to believe that I understood their intentions. But the truth nevertheless changed the person that I am as reality presented itself to me.
I haven't really felt close to my real sisters and brother. Whenever I see them (as my adopted parents made it a point that I should know my roots), I would always be out of place. And my adopted sister, we never really bonded well as we got old maybe because of my envious feeling towards her, which I'm admittedly guilty of. With regard to all of my siblings, I really feel that I'm stuck not in between but nowhere, where everyone overlooks you and easily gives up on you.
Then came a major fight between me and her last year that really severed our relationship and up to now we've never been talking to each other. We exchanged hurtful messages and the last message she sent me last year, which I was only able to read a while ago was saying that she couldn't accept the fact that I robbed her of everything and she couldn't accept and respect the fact that her life should change because I happen. She wished to be with our mother, who is now in abroad, but didn't happen because I had to choose pursuing my dream and because our mother prioritized my education, she felt I robbed her of the dearest thing in her life. It also hurts me that she doesn't realize that I also miss our mom.
I think I've pretty accepted everything related to my adoption but this, I don't know if I can accept it. It's the most hurtful thing to know.