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I have been in reunion with my birthmother for 7 years now and 2 years ago finally found my birthfather and contacted him. We e-mailed back and forth about once a month for the first year and then slowly the messages tapered off. I felt like I was always the one to initiate the messages, but I backed off since I didn't really feel like he had much interest in getting to know me.
I also thought maybe he is just not feeling well since he has an autoimmune disease. I hadn't spoken to him in a while and was looking around for some photos on FB and found out that he had passed away over a month ago. I contacted another family member and found out that he not only passed away.... he committed suicide!
I missed the memorial since I guess it didn't really occur to anyone that I might care. I am so distraught that I never got a chance to meet him in person. I am filled with guilt that I didn't try harder to keep in touch. I am so sad about losing the birthfather I never even had a chance to meet. I also feel guilt for being upset about it, because I can't imagine how my other siblings (the children he raised) must be feeling!
I am also angry and hurt.... (mixed in with more guilt) because he didn't care to stick around to meet his grandchildren. I will never get answers to the questions that I had for him that I was saving for when me met since they felt too personal for asking by e-mail....
Can anyone relate??? I am a swirling mess of emotions lately...
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So sorry to hear about your birthfather. I know it's not much consolation but I think you did everything you could to connect with him. Sometimes things just don't happen the way we want them too. Count your blessings and maybe you can connect with his family at some point and learn about him through them. They may have a video of him as well which may help you to see what he was like in person. So sorry about your loss.
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My dad died a year and a few months ago. as we was passing i got to wondering about my birth father.....i went on facebook and found his son i was told that he had died 2 years before....i felt like i had let him down that i should have tried to see him.....i met his son my brother and it was great better than i could have hoped we talked he said he loved his father but he was very hard to get along with and i owed him nothing that he felt cheated that he didn't really know that i was alive. my family don't understand how i feel a lost for someone i never knew but i do they same way a feel about my daughter that passed never held her never kissed her still miss her....never held him never kissed him still miss him
i am very sorry about your father.i am a father that is looking for his son.i would like to ask you something.here goes.back in 1979 my girlfriend gave up my son.her father made her give it up,he and a lawyer took care of the adoption all she did was sing the paper work.i didnt know what to do back then,i was 18 and did know my rights,so it happen.i hated my self for yrs,to of let them do that.i have searched for yrs for him and no a thing.it breaks my heart. so i waited to see if he would look for me as he grow up.and well 32 yrs later the same.should i just give up looking and just hope that his life is a good one and hes doing fine.
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Rain,
I'm just seeing this now. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm not an adoptee, but I went through many similar emotions when my friend killed himself. the "what ifs" & survivor guilt can eat you alive.
If you are still hurting, a suicide survivors group might help
see [url=http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/]Survivors of Suicide - Suicide Survivors - Survivors of Suicide Support Groups[/url]