I don't know if "mooga" is brother or sister, but I hear you and I feel you. Thank you for sharing.
It bothers me as an adult adoptee that I, and I alone, hold no power over the outcome of who I belong to. That was decided for me 31 years ago and although I am an adult, I am not afforded the right to determine who I legally/rightfully belong to.
this is another control placed on the adoptee and I see this as a major fault with the adoption laws.
I believe that once an adoptee turns 18, THEY must be afforded the option to decide who THEY belong to. While I acknowledge a name change and/or the natural family adopting the adoptee back will restore what was denied at birth and answer this question in a way, I am troubled by the fact that the ADULT ADOPTEE does not have the legal power to decide for THEMSELVES.
I see adoption as a system of controls placed on the triad of adoptive family, natural family and adoptee, in hopes of keeping and maintaining truths about adoption and honesty about adoptions affects as quiet and uninterruptive as possible. This lack of transparency and honesty surrounding the adoption laws is discriminative against the adoptee; a party which is suffocating under the weight of misinformation and disception and treated as a minor by the court system when it comes to what is in their best interest.
I believe that whether an adoptees life is filled with happy memories or hurtful memories, there is some part of the triad that has CONTROLLED aspects of the adoption. These aspects could be as minor as telling the adoptee the afamily's holiday traditions have been past down for several generations so you must too, or as major as never telling the adoptee they are adopted.
Honesty is the only way to navigate through all the dynamics that occur in an adoption. And I believe without honesty with every aspect of the adoptee's life, both pre and post adoption, the adoptee is not FREE to be themselves. Thank you for everyone that had read this post and for the couple that have responded. It is wonderful to look at peoples posts on here and see how many people are reading them and finding honest answers and perceptions. Thank you again for you comments.