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Hi All,This is my first post and just to introduce myself, I am mother to a seven-month old boy adopted at birth in an open adoption. I spend a lot of time reading blogs and books written by all members of the triad so that I can process all of the information and get over any of my own feelings that might stand in the way of supporting my son 100% through any adoption-related stuff he may encounter down the road. Anyway ...I saw an interesting discussion on my adoption agency forum about using the term "IS adopted" versus "WAS adopted," and I was curious to know your opinions as adoptees.The original poster was upset because someone on FB had corrected her use of "WAS adopted" by saying that adopted children "ARE adopted," as that fact does not ever change. However the poster feels that her children "WERE adopted" because it was an event that happened several years ago and isn't still a present event.I had never thought about this too much before reading this and probably use the terms interchangeably, though if pressed to make a choice I think I would choose "IS adopted." However, I am now a bit afraid of labeling my son as being in a constant state of different-ness if I use "IS adopted." But on the other hand I somehow feel that "WAS adopted" minimizes the ongoing experience of being adopted.Thoughts?
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The language of adoption can be overwhelming at times, and some people think that it is all about political correctness, but I tend to believe that langauge shapes the way we think about things, so I think it is important.
I say that my son "was adopted" because the event is in the past, and adoption doesn't define all of who he is. but I also know that he is an "adopted person" or "adoptee" so his (and my) experience of adoption is ongoing.
Some people might think that you and I are overthinking the situation, but I believe that these discussions will help us to help our kids as they navigate life an adopted person.
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First off, this is ridiculous. Ha. I agree that words matter, but we are talking about the same verb here. But I'm game. :)
When I describe myself, I generally say, "I am adopted." It is my state of being, just like I say, "I am American." But I say, "I was adopted" too, if I'm talking about the past or the event itself, like "I was adopted in California." I would not blink twice if you used either the present tense or past tense because, for me, it is both.
I remember my mother playing bridge with a bunch of neighborhood ladies. One woman commented on how much I looked like my mother, and she just smiled, thanked her and gave me a wink. It made us both so happy. Maybe that woman already knew, but I would have been utterly crushed if my mother had told her I was adopted. My adoption was not a secret, but I was never "her adopted daughter". I was/am/will always be "her daughter". Those were the words that mattered to me.
Hi there. I just joined this forum and this is my first post.
I'm 43 years old and was adopted by a loving family at the age of 5 months. I identify myself as someone who WAS adopted as I see adoption as an event in time and the process of adoption as simply a different process/event than a pregnancy. Call it a "bureaucratic pregnancy" where there are ups and downs of a nature different than hormonal and labour ones. :-)
Speaking only for myself, I don't feel I was ever made to feel or be treated differently because I came from someone else's womb and I'm certain that based on your question, your concern demonstrates that your love for your son is of utmost importance.
Many years ago, I met my birth mother and her children (my half-siblings) but I remain adamant that the people who raised me, taught me right from wrong, nursed by aches and pains are in fact my mother and father. The woman who gave birth to me is a very nice woman but she's not my mother... she never will be (although she likely feels differently about it than I do.)
So just like anyone who WAS born, I WAS adopted. I hope this helps and thank you for the opportunity to share.
Mike
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I tend to say was adopted, because to me it was a one time event. I doesn't impact my day to day life really, I am the daughter of my parents (adoptive) and I am the sister to Ryan and Laura. No one in my family refers to me as the 'adopted daughter' or the 'adopted sister'. It is a part of my identity, but it really doesn't color my day to day life.