Ok advice needed from birthmom's and adoptees

I wonder if there is some reason that she thinks you would be disappointed in her. Some people hide from the world because of physical appearance, habits like hording... I don't know. It just seems odd that she will talk to you on the phone, and yet will not meet you. Have you offered to meet her in a a public place? Coffee shop? How long have you been in touch with her? At some point, after many months, I think if my birthmother had reacted this way, I might show up at her home, at least to spy what she looked like. I always needed that visual confirmation of who she was.

Perhaps that is what she is afraid of. That you will come in to her life and then leave. She will then be faced with not only the pain and grief of losing you once but losing you again.

It took me some time into reunion before I found the courage to talk to my son over the telephone. It was even harder to make that decision to agree to meeting up. Fear was my problem as I thought my son would never want any more contact once we did. All I can suggest is be patient and not mention meeting each other for a while. Maybe she is just simply scared to meet f2f as it makes reunion even more real.

Thank you for everyone's thoughts. I just can't put my finger on it. When I first called her on the phone about two years ago she was very defensive as time went by her voice became calmer and softer. There was a wall there at first but I just talk to her like I am talking to anyone else. It is so hard cause I want so badly to reach out and touch her and tell her it's ok. I have only broken down once and cried telling her I was sorry for all of this and how she was told. She told me it wasn't my fault. I don't understand her at all. Her sisters tell me she is stubborn and won't listen to anyone. When my name is brought up she get's angry. I feel like I have to take the brunt if she was raped. Some say they don't belive that story others don't know. I will just hang in there as I have done for many years now.

I am trying to understand how it would feel to have someone who is positive come out of something as horrible as rape if that's what happened. It must be very difficult for both of you. I am sorry that there is a wall and I hope that your mother can see over that wall. My heart goes out to you.I am adopted and in my mother's words I sometimes feel all the anger she felt when she was the one left holding the bag after she and my father conceived me. But they went on to form a family. I feel like I am peeking over a wall into their lives when they allow me to do so.There are amazing people out there and it seems you are one. Good Luck with making contact. You are not to blame for what happened. Know that. It sounds like her immediate family is being protective and respectful of her wishes. You need to be protective of yourself and your wishes. Take care and I hope that she can see you as the good that came out of a very hurtful act. You see very sensitive and you would I am sure be a support for her when she's ready for it.It would be helpful to understand fully the circumstances regarding your conception but it may be too painful or there maybe too much shame for people to discuss it. That shame and hurt is not your fault. You are innocent in all of this. Hopefully they will come to see that.

I just met a Bmom from 1966. Her child had requested contact with her at 18. The Bmom wasn't ready until the child was 40. The daughter was all messed up and on drugs and furious that her mother waited all those years and left her in the dark. My point is she just wasn't ready to deal with the pain. Let her know the door is always open and she should get help to deal.

I thank-you for reading my post. It is very hard to remain a strong women . I'm 47 years old and I have prayed and thought of my birthmom from the day I was old enough to understand that the women raising me was not my biological mother. I can tell you that if I truly am a child that was conceived out of rape it rips your heart out at one moment and than make you think my gosh how did she get on with her life. It also makes you thank God for allowing her to keep me and not abort me. I can honstly say I have good days and bad. However there is never a day I don't think of my birthmom. She hid me from the world up until 2 years ago when I found them all. She was angry very angry. Everyone was to stay quiet about her and my two half brothers. I know I am not to blame. I told her I did not choose or ask for this life. I also told her I did not have a voice in how things would play out. I will still try to connect but not for awhile. Thanks again