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Hello, So about a month and a half ago I found my birth mother! I found out I have a brother and a half sister. I am about to meet my birth mother for the first time this weekend. Everything has been going good. My birth mother and I speak through e-mail a couple of times a week. I have received friend requests on facebook from my brother, half sister, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Everyone has messaged me and made me feel very welcomed except my half sister. I was told by my birth mother that she didn't really know what to say and she would say "HI" when she was ready.This was fine with me since I know all of this is overwhelming so I waited to hear from her. Last night I noticed that my half sister deleted me as a freind on Facebook. This is not a good sign to me. I'm not sure if I should say anything or what I should do. I'm not sure if she saw the communication between myself and other family members and didntlike it. Does anyone have any advice as far as what I should do? The last thing I would want is to upset anyone in any way,but like I said I never spoke to her. I'm assuming she is not pleased that I have reunited with her family.
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my half-sister on my bmom's side HATES me, but at least she no longer wants to kill me (and yes, I am serious). There can be a lot of jealousy involved. For my half sister a lot of it stems from her upbringing which was much worse than mine and any problems I had from adoption and my parents divorce and remarriages. My bmom was not a good mother to them, so much so that half sister ended up in the foster system in her pre-teens and half brother in juevy. When I entered the picture half sister turned all her anger toward me. Last year I tried to extend a peace offering just by making contact over FB (baby steps, right) and I got a nasty response. Her problems are bigger than me and if my being an active presence in her world makes things worse I am stepping back. Needless to say, I don't talk to bmom much and if anyone does the phoning, it's me.
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DeeLyn,
It's wonderful that you have been able to connect with your b-mother and other members of your b-family.
However, it is all very new for everyone. It has only been 1.5 months since you connected. You may have been thinking about meeting them for years. Your b-mom may have been thinking of reconnecting, too. But, for your other family members, this may all be very, very new.
Your half-sis may become more accepting with time. Reunions are a marathon. They're not a sprint. We are reuniting with people we don't know. It takes time to build relationships, to build trust.
Good luck! I hope you have a great time with your b-mom this weekend.
Keep us posted.
Just a couple of quick thoughts...
I'm going through something similar with my 2 half brothers. After a lot of thinking, I've come to realize that the fact that they don't know what to say to me is perfect, because I don't really know what to say to them either. The point is that the uncertainty is a commonality. It sounds very strange, but I would be perfectly fine if the first conversation I had with my half brothers started with something like "do you guys feel as weird and uncomfortable as I do right now?" As I said, I would be fine with it...so far they seem to think they have to have a script written out, which is kind of kinking up the communication lines.
My two cents: I wouldn't do anything at all. I'm not a user of FB (I guess 'cuz I'm an old codger by comparison) but many in my family are, and people go on the friends list and off for all kinds of reasons. I wouldn't read too much into that, without any other evidence of a problem.
Best wishes with your reunion,
PADJ
DeeLyn
Everyone has messaged me and made me feel very welcomed except my half sister. I was told by my birth mother that she didn't really know what to say and she would say "HI" when she was ready.
DeeLyn
Last night I noticed that my half sister deleted me as a friend on Facebook. This is not a good sign to me. I'm not sure if I should say anything or what I should do.
I agree. Facebook is sort of a "sound byte" way of communicating. It doesn't give the observer the nuances of face to face communication and things can be misinterpreted.
Give it time and keep in touch with the members of your family who are accepting. When she realizes you aren't going to replace her in the eyes of her loved ones she just might come around.
Or she may be going through something totally unrelated. I wouldn't worry too much about it until you have the facts.
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