Just found out

(((Hugs))) and good luck.

Thank for your support, its just not what I expecting, I think I was hoping for more, but my journey hasn't ended yet.

Papercraft- it is certainly shocking and not something you'd expect when you embark on your search. However- at this point you can only take it as face value. You have a CI who is reviewing 20+ yr old documents. You don't know the full truth until you face your birthdad and his past right in the face. Maybe they got married young and her parents hated him. Maybe your grandfather told her about a police record for a misunderstanding or something he was cleared of...you just don't know. Keep the information and know that you will have to face asking extra questions when you find them. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find what I did- the social worker was wrong, my records were misinterpreted and my mom was great. Keep in mind that these old records are interpretations of a third party's writing decades old. Its not fact until it is proven fact.

Good luck, follow your heart and instincts on this one.

Thank you for that, I will try to keep that in mind, my head is all over the place at the moment, and I was wondering if I should trace him, and ask him face to face, but that will be hard, I know, but Im still going with my journey, till I can't go any further. Its hard to keep your feet grounded when going through this process, just wondered how you managed it please.

It is hard. I always felt love in my heart for and from my birthmom- had no doubt that one day I would find and we'd reunite. the question wasn't when but how. Then I was 22 and pointed on the road to HOW...I got my non-identifying info and the opening phrase was: Your mother intentionally got pregnant to prove she could bear a child but did not want the resulting baby. The social worker- who signed my adoption 22 yrs before was retiring... and my non-identifying info was the last one she wrote prior to retiring. Her secretary and I became close during my search and she was charged with writing non-ident during the next 9 months until they replaced the social worker. The info basically said that my mother chose my father as her stud and had no feelings for him. It intimated that she was mentally ill. THe social worker didn't believe in reunions and since I had told her I intended to search, she made sure my non-ident discouraged me. And it did at first. My fiance and future mother in law- wanted me to stop-said I'd probably find a drug addict or prostitute. I had to follow my gut and when my next phase of the search brought my full baptismal name -which included a middle name with the ethnic spelling and accent- I knew that someone who took the time to give her child a full name wasn't as uncaring as the non-id story tried to depict. I went on and found my mom- not the mother of my dreams- but a great person who I see myself in all the time. She told all of her family about me as they grew up and I was welcomed with open arms. My mom wouldn't sign the relinquishment papers and told the SW that she was trying to keep me. SHe was told she wasn't allowed to see me in foster care- and that same SW kept record of the lack of interest from my mom in not visiting me in foster care-to build an abandonment case against her. All the while my mother was exhausting all her resources to try and find us a home together- when the last relative fell thru because of my grandfather's interference- my mom went back to the agency and signed the papers. I was adopted - then returned the next month because they thought my italian swarthiness might mean I was biracial. But although I was returned to foster care- when my mom found this out and returned to the agency to get me back-(within the 45 day period she should have been allowed) she was told I had been placed again. I waited another 6 wks before going to my final adoptive home at 5months. These are the types of stories that come out of closed adoption in the babyscoop era. My husband was adopted and in foster care. His birthdad was paying fostercare fees for nearly 6mos while he married, got settled and found a decent job. He and his wife travelled to the city and asked for his son. THe catholic agency told him they forgot to tell him to stop paying as his son had already been adopted. My husband languished in foster care for another year- before he was adopted in the US from canada. He was also abused in foster care according to his adoptive mom. As grateful as I am that he was adopted here, these are just two stories that tell a story of the lies and coercion of how these agencies played god and wrote their own script of our lives. So I don't take anything that they say or read about what was written back then as fact until it is proven. So lower your expectations to harden your heart against the possibility of dissappointment, but continue your search. Remember that you are looking for the beginning of your own story-the parts that overlap with your birthparents. What you do with the rest of your story is a decision only you can make- and that is one decision that adoptees can finally control.

Some very insightful advice. It's amazing how a bureaucracy can have so much influence on the lives of people. I agree that it's important to follow every lead and sometimes to look outside the source. If there was an allegation that something criminal occurred there should be a formal record of it somewhere. The law is not always accurate in these things. Sometimes the legal authorities make mistakes. People change. But this is something you want to insure you are prepared for in case there is a risk. Make sure you have support through this. Protect yourself and insure that in your search you don't expose yourself to someone who could potentially cause harm. Knowing the truth is better than speculation in my opinion. People don't always fit the "labels" they are branded with so you might be surprised about what the bureaucracy claims to be true. The are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle lies the truth.

Every decision you make manipulates your own future. I would rather live with regret of the things I have done than not done. Live the journey, every destination is but a door way to another...

Thank you, for your support, yes i'm going to tread very careful, as I've got 3 boys, so im doing it lightly, but im just thinking people deserve a second chance, don't they ?I have support from my husband, also the social worker, she said that any paperwork or meetings if we get to that stage will go through her.I need to know the truth, but I also need to protect my family to I know.I will let you know what happens next in my journey.

I believe that people have the ability to change. If you find this person is truly remorseful and takes responsibility for what happened, there is hope. I think it's wise to keep your sons out of the reunion until you have a chance to check things out.

Good luck in your journey. You can search criminal records to see for yourself about your biodad. It's all public record. Just google the department of corrections in your area, and you can search by name. Also, you can google the county clerk of court to find their website and search criminal records by last name.

Thank you for that information, I didn't realise that, I will do that, then at least I will know the truth, and can go from there.