Breastfeeding prior to placement

Social Security Disability is not based on income. Please apply for your son that has autism. He deserves it and so do you. He will then be eligible for Medicaid/Medicare.

It is unfortunate when lack of resources (financial support, family support, societal support, etc.) are the reason why mothers feel they must surrender their children, but it happens quite frequently; I would venture to say this is the case in most voluntary placements. It is truly heartbreaking.

I've actually thought of writing a letter to President Obama himself. Perhaps I will!

A great point! Funny you should put it that way but my husband actually said something similar and am starting to see the wisdom in this. Thanks!

You're right, Social Security Disability is not based on income, but this benefit is only for citizens who have worked and paid into the Social Security System: "In addition, an individual must have earned sufficient work credits in order to qualify for SSDI. The normal requirement is a total of 40 credits, 20 of which must have been earned in the 10 years prior to the onset of disability. Usually, this means that a person must have a fairly consistent work history and have worked (and paid Social Security taxes) for a combined five of the ten years prior to becoming disabled." (taken from the SSDI website) Children with a permanent and diagnosed disability can begin collecting SSI at the age of 18, regardless of parental income or their work history.

CT, you really need to talk with someone at the Social Security Administration. The rules you're quoting are for the adults; they are different for children and adolescents. I had to go on Social Security Disability (SSDI) as a young adult when I had my 4th series of spinal surgeries for severe, progressive scoliosis and was told I would have to spend another year in a spica bodycast. While I was going through the application process, the eligibility worker pointed out to me that it would have been a thousand times easier if only my parents had known enough to get me on the SSDI program when I was first diagnosed and treated for scoliosis at the age of 14.I'm not going to try to talk you out of anything...because it sounds to me like you're already very determined to place your baby son for adoption after he's born. Just know this: your feelings may very well change in the future, especially if your son wants a relationship with you as an adult. Sometimes the sacrifice isn't what you think it will be...it's often a thousand times worse.I hate seeing older, married couples placing their children for adoption solely because of finances. Adoption has permanent repercussions not only for you and your husband, but also for your baby. You're essentially severing your son from his ancestral roots, a decision that needs to be examined. While I have known some wonderful, exceptional adoptive parents, I have also known many adult adoptees who didn't grow up in loving or nurturing homes. There are no perfect parents, biological or adoptive. Be sure you don't fall for the myth of adoptive parents being better able to raise your child than you are. Things happen in life...my son's parents looked great on paper, passed their homestudy with flying colors, and sounded like the most wonderful people in the world. Nobody at the adoption agency could forecast that my son's adoptive father would develop a mental illness a few years after he adopted him. No one could forecast that he would try to medicate his pain with alcohol...or that he would physically and emotionally abuse my son for his entire childhood from the age of 4 onward.

I think taking your son home and spending as much time with him as you can is a great idea, it will give you a chance to recover physically and mentally from the pregnancy and birth and make a decision that you can be at peace with. The PP that said you can always decide to place but you won't always have the chance to change your mind and decide to parent is spot on. I also agree with the poster who said that if nursing were going to tip the scale for you on placing or parenting then you should probably be parenting, but it doesn't sound like that is where your frame of mind is. If the potential adoptive family is not okay with your desires post birth (breastfeeding, potentially taking the baby home, etc.) then they are not the right family. There is a "right family" out there (meaning one that would be okay with and truly supportive of your plans not that they are the right parents for your child- that won't be decided until you sign the surrender) and you should not have to settle for "almost right". As a side note, it is circumstances such as these that make adoption in this country a sad point, it sounds like you want to parent but don't have the resources to do so, which means that in a way, adoption is being forced upon you not choosen by you, for that reason it is even more important that NOTHING else be forced upon you, including any post bith wishes of the potential adoptive family or social worker, so go with your gut and your heart, they rarely lead us astray, and do what you think will be best for you and your son, both now and 30 years from now. Disclaimer: I am not a birthmother so take my opinion for what it is, my opinion. I am an adoptive parent, have both adopted and biological siblings and am a daughter of an adoptee.

Brenda and Ravensong, I stand corrected! After what Ravensong posted I googled SSDI and autism and it brought me to a whole different area of the SSDI website. All I've been hearing for years from DDS reps, advocates, teachers, and other parents in our support group is that age 18 is the magic age when my son will receive SSI and Title 19 Medicaid, as well as basically unlimited services like a home health aid, adult day care, etc. No child in our support group receives SSDI so not sure if there is some hidden catch, but now that I see it is possible I will certainly find out more. Thank you so much!! :)

Thanks for getting my post back on topic! :) I appreciate your thoughts, support, and understanding on my choice to breastfeeding prior to placement and wanting time with my baby, especially coming from an adoptive parent. I don't think the PAP's are going to have a problem with it so much as my indicating this to my SW raised some red flags for her that I may be having second thoughts about the adoption, despite me reassuring her otherwise. I even mentioned all the countless replies from birthmoms and adoptive parents like yourself that reassured me this was the right choice for us, but she just went back to her years of experience. Made me wish I had never brought it up in front of my SW.

So how did it go meeting the PAPs?

They actually can qualify sooner. I work with a lot of kids on the spectrum who get SSI.(Oops, sorry. I just saw your other post.)

I was able to breastfeed my baby and felt good that I was able to give her such important immunities for her system that a bottle would never give her. In fact, originally, I gave my baby to the AP, and then changed my mind temporarily, so it was by accident that I was able to breastfeed her. But I was happy to be able to do this for her. Not that it will make it any easier for you, because it probably won't- I'm sorry to say that. There's really nothing easy about an adoption- especially for a birth parent who really feels strongly. Do what is best for the baby at this point- breastfeed her. And if after that, something tells you to keep her and this is feasible and possible for all- please do.

I was able to breastfeed my baby and felt good that I was able to give her such important immunities for her system that a bottle would never give her. In fact, originally, I gave my baby to the AP, and then changed my mind temporarily, so it was by accident that I was able to breastfeed her. But I was happy to be able to do this for her. Not that it will make it any easier for you, because it probably won't- I'm sorry to say that. There's really nothing easy about an adoption- especially for a birth parent who really feels strongly. Do what is best for the baby at this point- breastfeed her. And if after that, something tells you to keep her and this is feasible and possible for all- please do.

i breastfed with both of my boys in the hospital before they went home with their families because i wanted them to have the colostrum. its the best part of the milk and rich in proteins, and antibiotics and also last for about the entire time you are in the hospital. do remind her that you want the best for the baby. and that until the papers are signed, it is your baby. just remind her gently that you are doing what is best for the baby.

I didn't breastfeed my son( I had breastfed my oldest who lives with me and knew how bonding it was) and I just didn't want to do that. But i wanted to still provide my placed son with good nutrition that would benefit him throughout life. one of the things I brought up in a meeting prior to birth was my wish to pump for the adoptive parents.I still had my pump from my oldest sons's birth from 6 years ago and the adoptive mom bought me supplies. I pumped for 4 months. Still getting up in the middle of the night as if I still had him. One might think that it would be hard. It was..but I felt as if I still had purpose. I hated coming home from the hospital ....fat..with no baby to explain why my body was the way it was. It was a painful reminder. (prior to pregnancy and even during pregnancy I was a very busy and successful personal trainer which is why my body image was just a horrible reminder)...but pumping milk made me happy again with my body. maybe it sounds selfish. Perhaps it is. The adoptive mom always says how selfless I was to pump for 4 months. But it was also for me.I needed to look in the mirror and be happy what what I was again. Pumping the milk helped. It also helped me still feel that connection with my son.