Living With THE LOSS (Adoption Loss)
The Loss is a predator that stalks his prey
His shadow has followed me every day
Each birthday when I turn a year older
The Loss gets bigger, darker and bolder
He sucks out the joy from every room
Laces each feeling with sadness and gloom
He crushes my happiness with loneliness and guilt
Smashes the walls from the pain I have built
He is there each holiday evening and noon
He changes the meaning of every tune
At what should be the happiest times of my life
His unwavering stare cuts through like a knife
The Loss has no intention of leaving
He will be there until the day I stop breathing
I tried to outrun him and live in denial
He hid from my view but was there all the while.
He waits in the darkness 'till all my friends leave
When I finally stopped running I was able to grieve

With more days behind me than are left ahead
I asked The Loss if he wanted me dead
"You were given away through no fault of your own
But the sadness you bear is not yours alone
You never knew I stalk yet another
Still running away from being your mother
When you turned to face me and looked in my eyes
Your actions and words caught me by surprise
You did what your mother could never do.
You walked a long mile inside of her shoes
She couldn't acknowledge the hand you were dealt
Nor ever imagine the pain that you felt.
She never once bothered to look at the fact
The face in your mirror is hers staring back
You both know The Loss never really goes away
But she is too afraid to ask me to stay."

Now The Loss and I walk hand in hand.
We stare at the stars all alone in the sand
There are still days of both sunshine and rain
But gone is the secrecy, stigma and shame
The Loss is my oldest and dearest of friends
One of few I can trust to be there at the end.


:darth:
how can you see inside my heart
Hey....do you have a window into my heart too? Maybe most adoptees hearts?

What an amazing poem. Precisely descibes my experiences in life through my adoptee lens.

Thank you for sharing it.
My Brother Got Married 2day. Looking At The Pictures Of Him And His New Wife And His Family.....family I Dont Reconize Or Know...his Daughter...his Son...his Grandkids..yes If Things Were Rite....if I Wasnt Taken From My Family...abducted Is A Good Word....we Would Have Grown Up 2gather..shared All These 51 Years 2gather...shared Being A Family...shared Being Brother And Sister
Sherree,

I don't mean this disrespectfully, but... "abducted"?

The word implies a number of things, first that your birth family wanted, looked for, was prevented from keeping you *by a person or persons with criminal intent*. I really hope you don't mean that the people who raised you had malicious intent or kept you away from people who were searching for you for years. If you really do mean that, then I understand the use of the word.

Also, you probably aren't in a place to hear it, but it's possible that had you been together for 51 years, you would not be friends or even in touch with your brother. Many, many birth siblings do not have perfect -- or even good -- relationships with one another. Just something to consider.

You do, it seems, have a relationship with your brother now, and you're close enough that you got to see wedding pictures. And that's a blessing, no matter how you came to that place.
hi....yes you are rite on alot of points.....i was bought by my adopted parents and my real mother and grandmother went back to get me at the hospital but my a-parents wouldnt give in and give me back....i have letters from my a-parents and my brothers and sisters told me this . but no matter what i feel like adoption should be a open matter. that no child should be kept from their birth family...that even if the birth family isnt perfect---the child is entitled to at the least see pictures of their family....and if at all possible...keep in comunication with them while growing up.....
I see. Have you asked your adoptive family why this was the case or just taken the word of the family who gave you up? It must be difficult with all the changes in the adoption world to watch others, much younger than you, with more open adoptions, but I hope it also gives you hope for the future. It's cold comfort, I know, but things have changed and are changing, from 50 years ago, when "open adoption" didn't really exist in the same way it does now.
Sherree, it also occurs to me that your APs couldn't have "gotten" you without at least some complicity on the part of local law enforcement, courts, etc., if your Biological family was fighting for you to be returned. Have you addressed this issue with the local law enforcement? You don't need to answer me, I'm just thinking out loud.
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