Should we get a lawyer to fight for adoption?

Ooohh! This could get sticky! If the team is backing you, and chooses not to move the child to the grandparent, that will be a lot easier. If that is the case, you will get an attorney (just as you would if grandparent was not in the picture). However, if this is a contested adoption, meaning, the grandparents files a motion for adoption also, your attorney can fight that. And you are actually given twice as much in allowance in your subsidy agreement for this. So basically if the team wants the child to stay with you, but grandparent pushes for adoption on her own, you will get attorney fees paid for (at least a portion of them- we all know custody battles can drag out though.) If, however, the team wants to move FD to grandma, then you will have to get an attorney on your own to try to stop the move. I have no idea if that will be successful or not. Missouri does not allow foster parents to become a party to the case, but that doesn't mean you can't still fight for custody on some other basis. You do have time on your side in that FD will have been with you for a year at that point. (And is an infant if I remember?) But then it might get sticky with CD also since you are going against their recommendation. I know grandparents are normally the first choice in MO, if the kids can't go to parents. (provided they pass background check/homestudy). But in this case, grandma has chosen to sit on the sidelines till the very end. Tough situation. Personally, if it were me and the team decided to move FD to grandparents after being with me a year, I would at least consult with an attorney to see what our chances were of winning custody. I would get an attorney who specializes in family law and who is familiar with CD. If they say no chance, then I would drop it-sadly. If they say there is a fighting chance, I would probably take it no matter how small. Good luck!

Thanks, elk134! BGma has brought up taking FD several times over the past 9+ months (she came to us at less than 2 weeks old), but the stumbling block seems to be her husband is not on board. After some tough wording by the judge at court recently, and finally getting proof that BDad (BGmas son) has been lying about certain things, BGma once again brought up that she would be talking to her hubby to see if they could take in FD. While BGma has been in the picture since day 1 of care, her hubby has not - never met him in 9+ months, in fact. So, if they have to pass the same type of homestudy questioning that we did, they likely will not pass the homestudy (since he has been so against taking the baby to this point, and they stress that both parents have to want to do it). Our county doesn't TPR until at least a year has passed, and the judge set VERY tight parameters at last court date for the parents, that are going to make it next-to-impossible for them to regain custody of her (not unfairly and nothing that wasn't already on the plan - it's just that they've failed in the biggest issues for nearly a year now, and the judge is not going to give them any other chances to screw up). Judge basically gave it to them with both barrels - no way for them NOT to understand the consequences. We are not expecting them to be able to accomplish what they have to, at this point. So, the BGma is our main stumbling block to adoption. We would like to maintain a fairly open adoption, if it comes to that. Maybe BGma realizing that we are not intending to cut her entirely out of FDs life is what needs to happen (what she's really wanting, not that she wants to parent FD)? But, I don't know if it would be appropriate to broach the subject with BGma, nor how it would be said. ..

Hmmm... given the situation with the husband, yeah, I wonder if the team would want to place there. But, of course, I can't guess what they are going to do. As far as offering an open adoption to Gma. I don't know your relationship with her, so it's hard to give advice. You can let the CW know your intentions and feel her out to see if she thinks you should mention it to Gma, or maybe CW even will? Remember open adoptions are not binding in Missouri, so whatever you offer her is not binding on you. If you do come up with some sort of agreement, great, but gma just needs to be aware, it wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on as after the adoption is final, the adoptive parents can do whatever they want as far as visits. We do have an open adoption with our AD's great, great gma. She likes to be a part of her life, but knows she could not really raise her. It's very informal, but we keep in contact and it works for us- for the most part. (We have had a kink in that bio mom just recently moved in with gma, so we are working around that as were are not ready for bio mom to be part of AD's life right now.) Good luck!

Just wanted to give a mini-update: Recently our FD's CW told me that she was speaking again with BGma, and BGma asked "if they adopt her, will we ever be able to see FD again?". Since this is the first time that BGma has mentioned the a-word without spitting with anger and denial, CW was a little shocked. Luckily, we had talked to CW, and she quickly assured her that if it went to adoption, and we were selected, that we are VERY open to continuing contact with FD's bio family. I am choosing to take this as a good sign that BGma is wavering on her anti-adoption stance. If things continue down this same path, we are hoping that means it will be less of a fight if TPR is ordered.

Honestly giving those facts I would think it would be a toss up. You both would have good standing at that point. After her not standing up for a year and gpa not being on board you've got some good leverage there with the fact she'll be with you a year. However; you've got the fact that they are relatives, beyond that grandparents, lies etc mean nothing in custody. Our FS has been with us a year and because the (cons) his 1/2 uncle who has 3 of the 5 siblings wants him (he has a different dad) they're looking seriously at that. I've proven them to be liars and uncooperative etc etc it doesnt matter that family bond is weighed very heavy. Extremely so in grandparents. Get a laywer we recently hired one ourselves. Best of luck to you but I'd call it a 50/50 right now 60/40 if the team backs you.

Thanks wrkg21. Sorry about the long time before response (computer virus system wouldn't let me get to this site for longest time). I think we are going to need a lawyer, regardless if we are backed by DFS or not, because BGma's changed her mind again (is believing BD's lies about his issues being fixed, he's "being framed" and BGma is considering leaving her own DH if he refuses to agree to take in FD IF this goes to adoption). Bios are also adamant in making DFS play everything out to termination instead of making the choice themselves (we hadn't brought up them signing away rights, but apparently CW has done so on her own). So, even if goal is changed to adoption, we are going to have some fights on our hands. And, if anyone knows how to prove to a court that BGma refuses to admit her son's transgressions are true, she is financially supporting him (which would affect her ability to financially care for FD), and would not keep her granddaughter from his care if she were to get custody, I would really appreciate that info...