pagans mom's WWYD

I'm a spiritualist. My oldest, at the age of 14-15 wanted to go to church every Sunday. for 3 hours. I don't go every Sunday and not for 3 hours. He has a bio aunt not far from me. I told him to go with her.

Thanks, Millie. Were he ok with that answer?

I think you handled it just fine. If it comes up again, ask about the reasons, it might be something as simple as the white dress was. When she gets really curious and really wants to start learning she can go with her dad, but you can be honest about your history and your beliefs. I am a Christian, but I am a firm beleiver that kids, especially teens need to be able to explore different beliefs to find themselves and determine what they believe. You are an awesome mom and I have no doubt that when the time comes for a really serious talk you will be able to have it. Just be honest and it will be fine.

Wcurry, My DH and I also don't believe in organized religion. We respect others' beliefs and expect them to respect ours in return. Our girls started asking us to take them to a variety of church services when they were 8 or so. We talked about what they were interested in, at that age it was usually because a friend was a church goer. We always encouraged them to check out any religious group they were interested in, though we did not attend with them. In addition, we were very open with the reasons why we choose not to participate. *We also discussed their experience's with each service, event or program they attended. We did this through high school. We taught them to be fearless in asking questions of clergy/religious leaders. By Jr. High they were both good researchers, had knowledge of several different religious organizations, churches and sects and could discuss and debate theology. As adults both are currently opting out of organized religion. My oldest continues to study but she leans away from Christian based religions. My youngest is happy just enjoying life and nature. Neither feel cheated out of family worship and both vocalize their appreciation that we respected them enough to allow them to explore and study with a goal towards choosing a belief system that works for them. For my family open communication and non judgmental honesty was the key for making this work. Good luck. It's not always easy. My DH and I took a lot of flack from family, friends and members of our community for not jumping into a church community. The flack was worth it.

Our DD is only 2, so no questions yet. We attend a Unitarian Universalist church, which meets my needs for not believing in a god, but being spiritual. What is awesome, is that the classes the kids attend teach them about all religions and their traditions. I've often wondered how I would handle Cam's questions, or *gasp* if she becomes a believer. ;)

UU (Unitarian Universalist) is a great option, you can believe, you can not believe, it's okay. It's also a great option for blended faith families (I'm loosely Christian, my spouse is Jewish). The teachings come from the major world religions and the 7 principles we believe/follow really boil down to how to be a good person, have respect for others and the world around you. Religious Ed classes start in PreK in most congregations, and continue to high school youth group. I would check it out and see if it meets your family's needs.

We live in the most atheist country on earth (according to surveys), so I will admit that I have a lot more leeway here. My children are much more likely to see me as weird because I believe in something spiritual at all, rather than because I'm not Christian, but I did grow up in rural Eastern Oregon, so I know what you're facing and it is possible we'll move there someday. So, although my children are to young yet, my plan is that I would encourage them to go to any safe religious place. I would not encourage them to dabble with cults, extremists or fundamentalists of any religion, because I have seen those do a lot of manipulation. But I believe that any place that people have used as a place of prayer for some time becomes blessed and sacred. I have felt that in synagogues, mosques, churches and Buddhist shrines all over the world. So, if my children wanted to go to church because their friends were going and it sounded fun, I would support them and even put out moderate effort to make it possible (though I can't drive). On the other hand, I make no bones about what I believe an include my children in my spirituality. They will be free to believe what they want but I do hope that they will choose to have some connection with the earth and with spirituality when they are older. I would probably attend a UU church if there was one within reasonable distance, even though I am really and truly Pagan and not a "one god" believer, like supposedly UU is officially into. But I have found UU churches to be open and friendly and I long for spiritual community of any kind, so I would go and, depending on how it went, might even go regularly.

I haven't had to deal with those questions yet, but I agree that a UU church is a good idea! When we get our kids and they ask questions, we plan on explaining that different people believe in different things, and that that is OK! All sorts of people make up the world, and if everyone believed the same thing, it would be a very boring world, indeed. :) As far as not believing in organized religion, maybe you could tell her while some people like to go to church, you like to practice your faith in your heart and mind and you don't need a church for that? I don't mean to sound offensive to anyone that goes to church, so please don't take it that way. Good luck to you! :)

Oh my gosh! talk about an old thread. I might as well update. We've had many more discussions since the one listed in my original post. she thinks its cool to have a mom who was once a witch ;) we discuss karma and reincarnation quite a bit this year, i had to explain why one of her friend's family says Halloween is against their religion. I attempted to do so in a non-judgmental fashion, but had to share that their religion also believes that i am going to hell. :arrow: we then talked about how my core beliefs are mainly that same as her friend's parents core beliefs (do no harm to others, help people who need help).. And that each person needs to determine their core ethics and stick to them.. and that _I_ don't judge other people based on their religious choices. And she shouldn't either. From time to time, she asks if she can go to church with her friend, K. I always say yes, but they've not yet followed through