Any advice on ending a placement?

I'll be in the same situation soon. Ours, though, was an adoptive placement and we had been promising permanency. He'll lose us and his sisters in the process. I've never done it before and am also interested in ideas, but here is my plan: We'll tell him 2 or 3 days prior. I'll take a day off of work and spend a whole day to take him on some kind of fun adventure in the mountains or desert. My idea is to have some father-son time with him in order to try to drive in that I wanted to be his dad, that I am sad that I can't, and that he is worth loving. For a foster placement where there was never an expectation of permanency then I think it might be different, but I guess it depends on the circumstances.

Thanks Jeff, your heart is huge. I am trying to figure out based on your reply how I summon these feelings of love when I don't feel so loving. I just keep going back to god **** her parents and I wish it were different. Trying not to place blame. Maybe I will turn the vacation around and treat it as a special time. I want to let her know that we will still be there for respite etc., just not sure after all of this if DSS will still have us.

I don't deserve that kind of credit. I won't shed any tears when he is gone. I guess I feel obligated to give him a good send off since we promised him better. I suppose I have some compassion mixed in too. Be sure to send pictures with him! I've collected our pictures along with all of the prior pictures I was able to gather and put them on two thumb drives, one for his files, and one to go with his stuff for his next family to keep for him. And I'm giving him a photo album with prints that he will surely destroy.

We told the child leaving our family (8yrs old, had been with us for four after international placement) about two days prior to his departure. He was totally psyched-- non-stop talk about his new family, new house, new car, new school, etc, etc. He spent the next day visiting them and then left the following day to be with them permanently. He excitedly left the house with my husband without saying goodbye to either me or his sisters. According to my husband, he talked happily about the new family on the trip over and then got out of the car and left with his bag, never looking back. All that to say, it may not turn out to be a huge deal to her. I don't know how attached she is to you, but a "new family" may be exciting to her. Enjoy your vacation. We did a week away after ours left as well and while it was relaxing, I probably would have waited a little longer. It was like it wasn't quite real yet-- but we had had him a long time.

You were exactly right. As hard as we are trying she is not dumb. She has picked out her new family already and has informed her worker this morning that she had decided who she wanted to adopt her. It is her friend's parents. They are not licensed. I now have to go to the parents and find out the real story. Soooo uncomfortable... And then I was told by her CW that I could give them the number to call if they would like to be licensed.

And you know, the worst part is that she has probably hammed up her friend's parents, convincing them that she is a poor little wafe just needing someone to love her and you guys are the awful coots preventing her from being loved. And if they become licensed and take her, it will only be a matter of time until she does to them what she has done in your home. The legacy of abuse is SO sad and hurtful for the child and everyone in their path...

Just thank god you can end the placement. You too Jeff,,. WE tried to hang in there and it's too late for us. We are in living in true hell. WE didn't want to give up because we also have her siblings. I would tell them the day before. God knows what could happen if you don't. Protect yourself and your family.

Thanks, we are formulating a plan with her therapist and CASA since we haven't heard word one from DSS and trying to hang on for the ride.