First meeting - managing expectations

Exciting times... Expect unexpected feelings to happen from wistfulness of what might of been, to awe at seeing yourself relected back in so many different ways, to feeling peace and joy, to anger you never consciously felt but now eats away at you. Some, all, or none may be your experience and each can happen at different or many points in the journey. I haven't read the book but have been told it is helpful in reunions. "Coming Home To Self" by Nancy Newton Verrier and speaks in depth regarding reunions from all perspectives. Your library probably has it or you can order it. Talk honestly about what happens if one or the other needs to slow things down - being able to be honest without fear. And above all - take your camera - write everything down as soon as you get home because you emotions will be off-kelter and you will forget things. Kind regards,Dickons

Hi. I am a birthmum in reunion now for 15yrs! I am so excited for you. I met my daughter when she was 18yrs. It was huge. For the first year or so we got together about every 4 to 6 months, both of us ending up with headaches at the end of the visit. BOTH wanting to live up to expectations I suppose. I knew I would love her anyway...I never stopped loving her. Its easy to say "Be yourself" but a lot harder in reality! Its funny, I was scared my daughter was perfect as she just seemed to be so successful and self assured!!! Now, 15yrs on, I have a great relationship with aparents, although they have separated,and now my 21yrold daughter is living with her and being a part time nanny for her little boy. They get on so well its uncanny! Oh life! I so hope everything goes well for you both...it can be such a precious relationship. susie

Thank you!! All I want is for this to go well. It's hard to not be scared, most of the stories out there to read are the ones where reunion when wrong... and when it goes wrong, it goes REALLY wrong. I want to savour this... I decided to start blogging because I don't want to forget a single thing!

This is so HUGE!!!!! I'm incredibly excited for you. I have yet to meet my mother. Our reunion is progressing slowly. But, I just wanted to post here and tell you that I share (vicariously) in your excitement. Please give us an update on how the first face-to-face meeting goes (if you feel comfortable).

I will. One more week. ARGH!!!!! I'm feeling quite impatient at the moment. :rockband:

I met my bmom 2.5 years ago, and it was wonderful, and still is. Trust me, nothing we can say at this point will calm you down, but you should feel free to just keep talking and asking questions. For me, that took some of the stress off.It's true, many reunions you hear about are the horror stories. I imagine that's because those are the people looking for answers. Those of us with good reunions don't have much to post about. We're pretty happy and just moving along. Please don't think that the majority are bad. I don't believe that is true. Good luck! Hang in there. It will get here, then fly by.

Well this has gotten my interest. I'm 37 and have after a few years of searching and some extensive geneology research found my birth mother. I was born in Kentucky in 1975. I was told by my adoptive parents that adoptions were frowned upon during those times so it was all a big secret. After a lot of research ( by my wife who is a genetic and ansestral geneous ) we found her. Finally I got my original birth records out of my parents, after 20+ years of asking. They are all in Spanish and the adoption took place through Chiwawah Mexico. Long story short, I found my birth mother, wrote her a letter and never sent it. Our birthdays are actually a day apart, so I was going to send a b-day card to her, chickened out. Well today ( 20120618 ) I wrote a quick letter introducing myself, said I am not expecting anything, but hey you're my mom. I put it in the mail this afternoon. I feel as if my life is going to change, one way or another and it's going to happen very quickly. I have this vision in my head that I will be meeting her in the next few weeks, and a ton of expectations of all my personal issues disapearing and life becoming wonderful. It's been 7 hours and I wonder if I can break into the post office and get it back. I know it is the right thing to do for myself, but **** it's scary as hell.

Wow. Well, I hope that things go really well for you! My reunion is going splendidly. Meeting my bmom was amazing... and I'm so excited that we have the opportunity to connect and be a part of each other's lives.

The first part of a good reunion starts with "I am so happy to see you!". I am 2 years in a relationship after the initial reunion and it has been tough as my child is a teen. But if you all go in to it expecting to try for the best then that is the most important factor. The only expectation I had was that my child would try to love me. Everything else was unimportant. The honeymoon period is over and I love her just as she is. It did bring a lot of repressed pain to the surface and I had to deal with it as she did too. But the "want" makes the relationship work. So just be yourself and it both parties are willing (and it seems off to a great start) then it might be a fantastic thing in your life.

I'm in the same boat operaDiva. My BM and I found each other years ago (when I was 18) and it was too much for me to handle so we put it all on hold. I haven't forgotten about her but I'm trying to come to terms with it. I don't hate her or anything, it's just hard to wrap my head around. I think I'm afraid of disappointment and hurt. I know that her fear. I think that since ya'll have talked on the phone, everything will be fine. Someone told me to try something whenever I get ready to reunite... Tell the BM/BF to come to the reunion with NO expectations. Don't dress up, dress normal. And if you are so nervous that you don't know what to say or how to say it, write it down before you meet. Keep a journal or notebook with thoughts for a few weeks before the meet so you can reference it. I haven't tried them so I wouldn't know if they work or not, but I thought you might like the idea and some support. I hope the best for you! <3

Please update us, what happened?

Yes, SWC, please give us an update! My reunion is going really well, I'm actually going to visit bmom and bsister next week for a few days. So excited!

I first contacted my bmom 17 years ago. I recieved a reply rather quickly, she was overwelmed but asked me to call her. I have 6 siblings, WOW! They didn't know about me. Fast forward 16 years! There has been minimal contact between bmom and myself until this point. Bsiblings still don't know about me. I felt it was important that they hear it from her and not me. A year ago, for a variety of reason, I sent a letter to bmom letting her know it was time we got to know each other better, I didn't say anything about the siblings. Since that time I have developed a relationship with bmom and 2 bsiblings via e-mail, facebook and phone. I have had some form of contact with 3 other bsiblings. My bsister and brother I feel like I have know forever, especially my sister. I talked on the phone with bmom many times, we laugh, we cry, we are getting to each other. In 5 days we meet! I am excited. I am nervous. I am scared. This is the end of a long journey and the beginning of a wonderful adventure! Thanks for all of your stories, it has help to keep me a little calmer while the time creeps by.