Is reunion possible with an emotionally disconnected birthmother

Hi. Congratulations on your reunion - and welcome to the ride of your life!! This posting has some good insight: [url=http://library.adoption.com/articles/reunion-socialization.html]Reunion Socialization[/url] Also, this thread is great: [url]http://forums.adoption.com/search-reunion-stories/363867-she-doesnt-want-contact-2.html[/url] (POST #25 has a lot of helpful insight). Peace and blessings to you.

She may be waiting for you to want to talk about things first. It is the same type of feeling as going on a blind date - the trepidation of doing or saying the wrong thing. You could say you are interested but don't want to push her so where is she in relation to talking about the past? Ask for honest feelings. She is also probably filled with emotion... You are right not to be pushy but you can still gently nudge without it being an all or nothing. Kind regards,Dickons

My reunion with my mother is moving slowly. At first, I added just a bit of emotional content to my emails, so she would know that I do care about her. But, I was cautious to not put in too much to overwhelm her. As our emails continued, I decided to add a bit more emotion into the emails to try to get her to connect. It worked, and she began to connect with me--slowly. It's a dance.

I had a semi-open adoption where I received updates/pictures of my son over the years. I was always open to having further contact. In February 2007, my son provided me his identifying information and said he wanted to communicate and would send an update, but then did not follow through. I was still sending communication through the agency, in the meantime, which he accepted, but did not reply to. Finally, in Sept. 2009, I got a message from him, sent through the agency, and in April of 2010, we started emailing directly. We spoke on the phone for the first time 7 months later, in November 2010, and met in April of 2011 for the first time. Reunion brings up TONS of very difficult emotions, that are usually very intense and come at you from seemingly out of nowhere. I realize some people jump right in and start a reunion off very quickly, and I also realize mine is probably one of the slowest in reunion history, but I feel it is better to move more slowly and take time to process the feelings that WILL come to the surface, rather than rush so much. You only contacted your birth mother in mid march. So roughly 2.5 months have gone by. You have consistent email contact which is a good thing, and not indicative of rejection. She may not wish to put a lot of emotions into an email, perhaps fearing scaring you off. It was different with my son because I took a lead role, and suggested emailing first for a bit before talking on the phone, and asked how he felt about taking things in stages this way. He was in agreement with that. You may have to put yourself out there more with your mom, if you want more in the way of communication or wish to know some of her deeper feelings on things. That might be something better suited to a phone call, though, or an in-person meeting. And if she is not ready to "go there" yet, she just may need more time. It is so very early for you in reunion, and from my perspective, it seems like a reasonable pace. Keep building on that foundation. It's a little tricky with a long distance situation (I have the same with my son) but in some ways I'm glad that distance is there. It's forced us to take things more slowly and in my mind "slow and steady" is better than "fast and furious" espeically given that when the intensity of feelings in reunion come up with no time in between to process, pullback often occurs.