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Hello all! I'm super new to this forum and adoption in general but went through the adoption of a newborn baby girl with some dear friends. I feel in my heart that my husband and I are being called to adopt a 2 yr old little boy with special needs. Everywhere I turn there is some mention of adoption and I even found a copy of a magazine for adoptive parents of special needs kids in my buggy at the grocery store :p I think about this little boy all the time. We already have an 8 yr old and a 9 mo old biologically so adding to our brood isn't a problem. The issue seems to be that my husband isn't "feeling" the adoption thing. Not that he doesn't want it or wouldn't but he said he thought God would've made it clear to us both at the same time. He's asked me if we could get more info on "J" but the agency won't release anything without a home study first. I need advice, encouragement and prayers :confused:
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You'll find that obtaining a homestudy is basically the 'key to unlock everything' in terms of having a placement. Without a homestudy, you can do nothing---EXCEPT educate yourselves about older child adoption and go from there.
As far as your dh feeling it at the same time or at all: It's common for many dh's to NOT feel very excited about adoption-at least at first. It's also common for dh's TO get excited about adoption once the paperwork process is underway or when you actually have a baby/child. This isn't to say you should proceed without the backing of your husband; but don't be surprised if it remains a sort of mundane thing to him in the initial phases.
Please understand that adopting an older child (as in the case of a 2yr old) is very, very different than adopting a newborn. I used to say just the opposite; but realized after awhile, adopting older children is a completely different process.
While you continue to consider going through the foster care route and adopting an older child/baby, search out support groups for parents of adopted older children. Talk with various system-agencies (CPS, DCFS, etc) and ask questions---many questions. ALL of this will be helpful, believe me.
Adoption is a tough road. Adoption through the foster care system is even tougher (IMO). And, adopting and bringing home an older child requires a lot of education, different parenting skills and determination.
Good luck in your pursuit!
Sincerely,
Linny
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