When to come out to birth family?

Seriously I wouldn't worry about losing them by telling them you are gay. This is who you are and you need to be accepted as who you are. I would have cared less if my relinquished daughter was gay. I hope your natural relatives feel the same way. I hope your meeting goes very well. :)

Melissam, i can't tell you how or when to share personal information with your b-family, but what I can say is Go Slow.All of the posters I've seen here recommend step by step integration with your new found family.Wait for a time when you have their attention and everyone is feeling particularly close, then share any personal info you wish. For now, I suggest keeping personal info to yourself and wait for the right time.It's as much of a shock for them to get to know you as it is for you. Once you get on an equal footing with them so they accept you as family, it will be time to share more personal info.If your personal info comes about slowly the family will be more accepting -- because it will come about in a matter of fact manner and they wont start wondering, "Oh Gosh, what have we done to get close to this person."I wish you the best.

It would have made no difference to me if my son was gay, and I'm glad he's extremely open minded, as well, but I don't think it's something you need to make a big announcement about, either, but rather, let it be known in a more natural way. Your sexuality is a personal matter, and as such, need not be the focal point of the conversation, but definitely don't hide who you are. For instance, if you are involved with someone and they ask if you are in a relationship, you could casually say "oh, my partner Jane and I ___________." You are then sharing the information more naturally than annoucing "oh, by the way, I'm gay," which I think would be way more awkward. From your initial contact with your relatives, did they seem at all closed minded or intolerant? I know it's hard to determine if it was just some brief communication, but sometimes you can get a "feel" for people and whether or not they are open minded and inclusive. I suppose if you have any concern that you might not get the info on your birth mother that you need, you could skirt the issue until a later time. It may not be the most ideal option, but until you are more comfortable with them, it may be the prudent thing to do. How do you typically handle getting to know other new people in your life? Do you immediately tell them your orientation, or do you wait to get to know them a bit?

All I cared about was knowing my son was alive, well and had had a good life. We did actually have this conversation as it came up for an entirely different reason and I told him if he had told me he was gay it wouldn't have bothered me (he isn't gay). If an appropriate moment comes up mention it but don't feel that you have to make a big issue of it. It's just a case of being yourself and telling them if it feels right at the time.

I think it will depend on how old they are and what era or what influences they had growing up themselves. Are they very religious or what religion they practice. All of the influences pay a role in their outlook. You won't know all that until you get to know them. If you have an inkling that they won't accept who you are; I suppose you have to weigh out being totally honest against the prospects of finding out what you can about your origin. Personally I was dead honest about what happened to me knowing full well in some small minded people's minds having gone through childhood trauma means there is a stigma. That's not to say making a choice related to sexual preference has anything to do with that. I am just saying there are stigmas present whether we want to accept or deny them. I risked total rejection because I felt so strongly about not being willing to face rejection or abandonment after I had invested myself. It's a personal choice but one that can make people uneasy. I mean being honest and up front. In my opinion as others have commented it shouldn't make any difference and it wouldn't have made any to me if I were looking for my child. People get all wrapped up in appearances and some people have some weird prejudices like warts. The roots run deep and they aren't all that attractive. Weigh it out. Take some time to figure out what you want in this potential relationship. How long has it been since you came out to the people in your life?

I'm bi-sexual, and when I came out to my biological parents I had already known them for a year. It sadly was the beginning of the end. I should have been prepared though, any gay character on TV and my biological mother would make homophobic remarks. It was something I never thought would happen, but they disowned me because of my sexual orientation. But take it slow, no need to rush into telling them. I just wish my biological parents loved me regardless, apparently that wasn't the case.

Just be yourself and hope they accept you for the person that you are.Good luck to you and hope it will a least bring closure.Butterfly

Why bring up who you're sexually attracted to, whether it's a girl or guy? It's irrelevant to a conversation when you literally just met someone.

I'm thinking there will be a natural "in".. Like if they ask you if you are married, dating.. is there someone special in your life (even if its "no", you can tell them about your ex). If that leads them to ask about your "label of choice" (not that they'll use that phrase, lol), you can share I've been coming out for 25 years now (I'm bi, not lesbian.. btw, it never ends). The worst experiences were when I made it a big deal.. "I have to tell you something really important" line always leads to an awkward experience, IMO Good luck!