Pain..Too much to bear at times...

I am so happy for "oneless" she was right in getting her baby back since she changed her mind, and I agree she shouldn't have been given a hard time like she was. However, this statement is a bit cold. While the baby was placed with this pre-adoptive family, the hopeful adoptive mother was ALSO a REAL mother to this child. There's no doubt in my mind this family is hurting and missing the child that will always be apart of their heart. Yes, hopefully they will find another child to adopt, but that loss will always be with them. It's similiar to telling an expectant mother who just had a miscarriage "well, deal with it, you can just have another baby". Another baby may come but this child that they prepared for, loved, took care of for a couple weeks and probably imagined spending the rest of their lives with is now gone to them and no "other" child will take it's place, in their heart. Yes, surely they knew the mom could change her mind, but I'm sure "knowing" that doesn't take away the pain of their loss.

I hope you and your daughter are doing well!! So GLAD you got her back;~)

Thanks CRAZY_WOMAN for giving us the update that this mother and daughter have been reuinted! I appreciate that and it is fantastic news!!! Death of a child, whether by miscarriage or death of a born child or adult child is never similar to an adoption that is not finalized. The potential adopting family may have prepared externally, but there were no physical or biological changes that happpened to the potential mom or dad. The 'source' of another adopted child is very different from the source of getting pregnant again. while the statement may have been 'cold' there is truth to it. Especially in this situation where the original mother wanted her daughter returned.

I think the point is that babies (weather adopted or biological) are NOT interchangeable. Parents who adopt love the particular baby JUST AS MUCH as parents who give birth. Loosing an adopted child is exactly the same as loosing a bio child, there's no two ways around it.I can tell you right now that if my dd had to be returned to her birth parents for some reason, I would NOT be okay with simply adopting another baby any more than a mother who has given birth would simply be okay with getting pregnant and having another. (I'm not talking about a situation in which an expectant mom changes her mind at the last minute, I'm talking about a situation in which a baby is already being raised and loved by adoptive parents. I'm also not talking about the OP's situation)That being said, I'm very happy for the OP. It was definitely the right thing to do in this situation for her to fight and get her daughter back.

Can you confirm that you have her? Did it go smoothly I hope?

Yes please confirm that your daughter is home with you. I'm sure you are busy with both of them now but please take a second to confirm she is finally home. I'm so happy for you and would just love to know your daughter is home.

I'm 45. My daughter is nearly 29 and i was reunited with her 5 years ago. While reunion is great it continues to be a rollarcoaster emotionally. I can never have her back or experience the years i have lost and it hurts. If i could go back in time I WOULD NOT give her up. I dont know your situation but just be aware of the long term cost of your decision, hope that not too harsh

hi, i just joined this forum today and noticed your post, are you a Christian? I'm from Ireland and became a Christian a few years after i gave up my daughter. She's 28now and i'm 45. we were reunited 5 years ago and its been wonderful but also like a rollarcoaster, it really hurts lately (cos she's going thro a withdrawn phase). People keep telling me to forget the past but shes not in the past. Anyhow just wanted to vent. At times i have felt God's comfort and i know it will work out in the end, just fustrated now. we do have some(and i emphasise some) access to counselling here in ireland but i would have to go to England for Christiant counselling, also i dont want to get on an inner healing loop that focuss me more on me than i am now HELP

sorry ps. would you recommend counselling, i was trying this forum instead to see if it would help, thank you. i didn't pmessage you coz i cant find the button,

ps. would you recommend counselling, i was trying this forum instead to see if it would help, thank you. i didn't pmessage you coz i cant find the button, also i was drawn to your story cos you talk about the way you feel now and you are 40 years on.

Paddington - welcome to the forum! Just to let you know "where" the pm message button is - hover you mouse over the person's name, and you'll get a list, one of them is "pm message"! I, too would go back and not give up my baby girl either, paddington... live and learn, eh?! :grouphug:

[Did you try going back in the court system?] I recently gave my daughter up for adoption, it was actually 3 weeks ago. I can't bear this pain, at night I wake up thinking is she crying, does she miss my voice that she will never hear again. I struggle every day to make it to the next because I am so sad. I had stated to the adoption counsler that I wanted her back and she called my daughters father. He then called me and threatened me. He doesnt want her at all never did. I had her for 4 weeks before giving her up and now I feel like a made a huge mistake that I cant take back. Has anyone felt this way? I'm barely functioning I'm consumed with her and wanting to so bad to hold her love her, comfort her..... I'm lost.[/QUOTE]

Are you still within your legal time period for revocation of the relinquishment papers you signed? If so...and if you want your daughter back...then you need to act immediately. If the agency gives you any flack, and they probably will, I would seek some legal advice from your local Legal Aid chapter. On the other hand, if you believe that placing your daughter for adoption is in her best interests, then please know what you're feeling right now is normal for those of us who have surrendered our babies. For the first year of my son's life, I often woke up in the middle of night hearing a baby crying. My breast milk also refused to dry up for several months, so it was a constant reminder every few hours that I had a baby out there somewhere who was hungry. Toward the end of the first year, I quit waking up in the middle of the night...and life became bearable. Hang in there...and keep coming back. Back when I relinquished in 1972, there were no support systems at all for mothers who had voluntarily surrendered their newborns. Nowadays with the Internet, we can all share our experience, strength, and hope with each other! :loveyou:

My heart breaks for you! I am a birthmother of 23 years. I know exactly how you feel even though my situation was different then yours. THe pain is the same and with the same intensity. You probably feel that no one understands-and most dont. Not useless they are going through it themselves. First off I want you to know that I am lifting you up in prayer. I don't know where your beliefs are and don't want to push you away. I just feel lead to do so. I am also desperate for support, I too suffer with my pain. I have gone threw different stages and now, I am dealing with it severly. I want to stay in touch with you and hope that I can give you some of the support you are looking for. I never had the shoulder to cry on and I praise God for this outreach for us now to be there for others. Think about every decision you make and try not to make decision based upon feelings. That is the hardest thing to do. Either decision will have it's good and it's bad. I pray guidance for you during this hard time.

Read quick reply from jjfreedom, sorry 1st day, still learning my way around the forum. [/QUOTE]