Turned down by Agency?

I can't tell you anything about why this agency did not accept your application. In general, though, agencies can choose to work (or not work) with anyone they want. I'm sure you checked carefully on their requirements to adopt, but if not there could be some requirement you don't fit (some agencies only accept infertile couples, some only work with people of a particular religious belief, some require a certain number of years married, etc). Also, sometimes agencies will only work with a certain number of families at a time, and it doesn't matter how great you are, if they don't have openings they will turn you down. I thought agencies usually would tell people why they turned them down; if you ask they will hopefully be able to tell you. The rejection feeling in adopting is horrible, but, just like when an emom chooses someone else, the agency turning you down doesn't mean anything about you. I would ask them why, in case there is something you need to know about before you contact another agency (example: I have a friend who has the same (unusual) first and last name as someone on the sex offender registry), and then go on to look for another agency. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, though.

While 35 is young for international adoption, it is on the older side for domestic adoption in some areas. If an agency works mainly with young birthmothers, these young women often prefer to place with other young families -- say, 25-30. A woman of 35 may seem "old" to a 17 year old birthmother, because her own mother may be under 40, so it would be like having her baby raised by her grandmother. In addition, some birthmothers want their children to be an only child. In many cases, they want to be sure that their child will receive plenty of advantages. And if the child already in the home is bio, they may be afraid that their relinquished child will always be "second best" to the adoptive family. Sharon

Sharon your response makes me feel like it is going to be hard for me to adopt. I am very new to this...is it going to be ?...I have never even thought of the possibility that a 17 year old would see me as a grandmother. That is crazy.

I am 38 years old and single, and I did not have a difficult time adopting my son (I had a bit of a wait, but that's pretty normal for many people). There are lots of people on these boards who have adopted domestically in their late 30's and 40's, as well as people who have adopted with bio kids in the home. Most of the age limits that I have seen from agencies are a minimum of 25 and a maximum of 45 (although these do vary). I would definitely not think that your age would be an issue.

THANKS Ruth! :)

We adopted when my DH was 39 and I was 41...and we had 3 emoms choose us ( long story.) have you asked the agency why they said no? You can drive yourself crazy guessing, and it may be something not related to you at all like hy have too many families currently active...

I really think a majority of people adopting domestically are in their 30's or even 40's. Most 25-30 year olds aren't at the point of adopting yet. Age shouldn't be a factor at all. Age isn't even something that most agencies allow you to put in your profile. An expectant mom would have to ask. I'm sure there are expectant mom's that have an age in their mind as a requirement for thier choice of PAP's, but I don't think it's common.I saw many possible situations when I was waiting to be matched. Most expectant moms weren't teenagers! Most were in their 20's and many were in thier 30's. It's pretty much a stereotype that e-moms are teenagers. I'm single, older than 35 and was matched.

TenseinTX, we were 39 and 43 yo and our TX agency told us that we were on the younger side for their wait list for domestic adoption. We were chosen on our first try by a teen-age mom. She said that we reminded her of her parents and knew that we would take great care of her LO. Hang in there, I hope that you have found an agency.

I agree with the previous posters. My parent is 26 and I am 29. We are the youngest my agency has ever approved in their 23 years of business. It wasn't easy though, I think we were scrutinized more than the average PAPs because we are so young (i.e. showing stability, housing, income, net worth, etc). Keep your head held high and keep moving forward. It will happen, there is always a way. Best wishes!