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Can anyone help me out here?
In short- My brother is 19. I have a sister too who is 14.
In total there are 6 of us, 4 of us knew about each other from the start.
Anyway my mother was a child abuser and surprisingly enough was allowed to keep having these children.
She abused my brother so badly im surprised he didnt die from it.
Baring that in mind she went on to have another child which was removed from her care immediately and then 2 more which stayed with her and the father of the children .. WHY they allowed her to have these children after severely abusing her 3rd child I will never know.
Anyway, from 1985 there have been court cases where children have been placed with other family members (Me being one of them who was taken in by my grandparents and my other 2 siblings taken in by their aunt, whilst the 4th was immediately placed for adoption)
Now then- obviously with court and child abuse comes social services? correct??
And with social services being so involved in my birth mothers life from 1985 you would assume they were aware of everything?
well apparently not.
From the year my brother was born 1993- he was NEVER made aware of who I was and the same for my sister who is 14.
I was also told I couldnt have contact til they were both 18 years old..
I later found out the above statement was incorrect.
I waited 18 years thinking my siblings KNEW who I was and expected some day to hear from me..
Again, this was all wrong-
I had been waiting to hear from a social worker with regards to contact with my brother- I FINALLY got that call and was told he wanted nothing to do with me.
I was HEARTBROKEN. I had waited 18 years to meet him because I was told I had no choice but to wait
Social workers even claimed they didnt know who I was to be able to tell my brother and sister of my existence.
2 weeks ago when I contacted my sisters social worker she told me to confirm who I was to the children she would need to go thru their old files.
If these files exist why on earth didnt they pull them out years ago and start telling my siblings who I was back then.
The revelation that my brother doesnt want to know us has left us devastated. We waited years and years for the day.
I am now wanting to take action against social services for NOT telling my siblings who I was... and frankly for failing to do their job properly.
Its a humans rights to know who their family are. They were the ONLY 2 out of the 6 of us to never know who there family are.
Can I do anything? do I have a case against them???
Im trying to determine exactly what kinda case I can throw against them
Its destroyed us and their lack of communication with regards to the children and knowing who their family are has potentially ruined lives.
There has to be SOMETHING.
Im waiting to hear back from my family lawyer and I HAVE indeed told social services I will take this further but exactly WHAT sorta case I have against them is still to be determined.
Any suggestions, advice, help???
Thank you
Hi anonymousmum27,
That's a very sad state of affairs, and it must be very upsetting for you. There's a lot of hopes built up, and it seems to have been met with even more disappointment.
I'm writing from outside the US, so cannot give you any advice which relates to the law in your country, or your state.
What I would suggest, is that you wait until you have recovered from the setback of your brother rejecting you.
This rejection is clearly an unpleasant and painful blow for you.
From his perspective, he doesn't even know you. So it can't be a rejection of you as a person.
It's big news for someone to process. That things could have been different, possibly even easier for him if he'd had his birth siblings in his life. Who knows? He may not be comfortable opening up to other people. It might take him a bit longer to process something which might turn out to be wonderful news, but at the moment looks scary and complicated, etc.
It seems that you might be taking out your disappointment by throwing money and lawyers at the government. The lawyers will take that money quite happily, and the government may say, um, yeah, ok, have a couple of bucks.
But then you're only a couple of bucks richer, and maybe someone from the social services writes a bit of a report about how they were too busy writing reports to help your family.
Put the money to good use - adoption counselling, a good book about the crappy time adoptees in your situation have when people who are family are at a different stage of the reunion process, whatever.
As I say, I'll make no comment on the legal side, other than to ask is that an end in itself or a means to an end.
You sound like you've been betrayed. And that kind of injustice can make the blood boil. Ride it out for a while, and revisit things when things have cooled down.
Go well.
anonymousmum27
Can anyone help me out here?
In short- My brother is 19. I have a sister too who is 14.
In total there are 6 of us, 4 of us knew about each other from the start.
Anyway my mother was a child abuser and surprisingly enough was allowed to keep having these children.
She abused my brother so badly im surprised he didnt die from it.
Baring that in mind she went on to have another child which was removed from her care immediately and then 2 more which stayed with her and the father of the children .. WHY they allowed her to have these children after severely abusing her 3rd child I will never know.
Anyway, from 1985 there have been court cases where children have been placed with other family members (Me being one of them who was taken in by my grandparents and my other 2 siblings taken in by their aunt, whilst the 4th was immediately placed for adoption)
Now then- obviously with court and child abuse comes social services? correct??
And with social services being so involved in my birth mothers life from 1985 you would assume they were aware of everything?
well apparently not.
From the year my brother was born 1993- he was NEVER made aware of who I was and the same for my sister who is 14.
I was also told I couldnt have contact til they were both 18 years old..
I later found out the above statement was incorrect.
I waited 18 years thinking my siblings KNEW who I was and expected some day to hear from me..
Again, this was all wrong-
I had been waiting to hear from a social worker with regards to contact with my brother- I FINALLY got that call and was told he wanted nothing to do with me.
I was HEARTBROKEN. I had waited 18 years to meet him because I was told I had no choice but to wait
Social workers even claimed they didnt know who I was to be able to tell my brother and sister of my existence.
2 weeks ago when I contacted my sisters social worker she told me to confirm who I was to the children she would need to go thru their old files.
If these files exist why on earth didnt they pull them out years ago and start telling my siblings who I was back then.
The revelation that my brother doesnt want to know us has left us devastated. We waited years and years for the day.
I am now wanting to take action against social services for NOT telling my siblings who I was... and frankly for failing to do their job properly.
Its a humans rights to know who their family are. They were the ONLY 2 out of the 6 of us to never know who there family are.
Can I do anything? do I have a case against them???
Im trying to determine exactly what kinda case I can throw against them
Its destroyed us and their lack of communication with regards to the children and knowing who their family are has potentially ruined lives.
There has to be SOMETHING.
Im waiting to hear back from my family lawyer and I HAVE indeed told social services I will take this further but exactly WHAT sorta case I have against them is still to be determined.
Any suggestions, advice, help???
Thank you
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You say that you were placed with your grandparents. Where was your brother placed?
If your other siblings were adopted, it is true that social services cannot legally give out their information to you. They can put in a request to your siblings parents that you would like contact, but ultimately, it is up to their parents.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but actually the adoptive parents of your siblings would have the right to sue if social services gave you their information without their consent.
The brother and sister were first placed with our mother (god only knows why social workers would allow that given 8 years prior to that she did what she did to my brother)
then their father took them away from our mother and then the social workers took them away from him and they were in foster care. So legally they had a right to know who I was given they had been bouncing from foster carer to care home all their lives.
The ones that were adopted had a family tree folder given to them so even though we wasnt allowed to see them until they were of a certain age (though my sister who lived with her aunt CHOSE to see me regardless of what the adoptive parents said) they at least were made aware of who we were
The ones who were fostered (which are the 2 I referred to in my first message) were never even told about us.
I did however get a reply from a social worker yesterday after ringing them up and telling them what I intended on doing- she said if I was to have contact my sister would need to see a mental health counseller and I would have to ''prepare'' myself.
I have been doing so for 18 years-
Why my sister would need mental health help is beyond me as in a previous email the social worker stated all my sis wanted was to be loved by someone and that they are excited I had sent them an email regarding finding my birth siblings.
I dont think they actually have a clue what theyre doing.
First of all miss, unless you actually saw that she was abusing your siblings then shut up. Your bm likely loved you and gave a crap about you but you were taken anyway. Good on you for wanting to find your siblings.