Being adopted runined my life

I was born in 1964 & placed for adoption through Catholic Charities. I believe the adoption process was similar to adopting a puppy from the shelter today. I am still in awe that my adoptive parents were given a baby, as they should have been screened out. I don't have any happy childhood memories. I remember the first time I was beaten, I was 3 years old. I always knew these people weren't my real parents, & I never bonded with them. I remember feeling very confused after that beating, as I didn't do anything wrong, & you don't spank or hit a 3 year old, especially one out of an orphanage. My father did this because my mother wanted him to. He still blindly follows her every order to this day, & he is now 80 years old. There wasn't any love or physical affection in the house of horrors I grew up in. There are no existing pics of me in childhood because, to hurt me, she threw them all in the trash, she didn't even ask if I wanted them. Of the few I saw, I had a few black eyes in some, when I was under 4 years old, & there were no pics of loving parents playing with me or holding me, or even smiling at me. I was a very obedient child, because I never knew when she would go crazy & hit me or have my Dad beat me. I remember when the neighbor took a rock & slammed it into my head, I was punished because she didn't want to be bothered. She never comforted me or asked if I was ok. Or when the neighbor bully came into my yard & punched me in the back, because her mother had given me some baby frogs. She did this in front of both of our mothers talking over the fence. I was hit so hard, & went to my mother crying.My mother yelled at me & told me to get away.I don't have 1 memory of her ever comforting me, or saying anything nice to me. My adopted mother had so many names for me, & I was called these everyday. This caused me to have no self esteem & I'm still affected by this today. Her favorites were stupid, disgusting, liar, clumsy, stinky ( a word I have never said in any form, it's so ugly) slob, sloppy, & that I had stringy hair. For many years I tried to get the "stringiness" out. Finally I realized it was a lie, I stopped the cuts, perms, dying, & left it alone in it's natural state. I'm told daily how beautiful my hair is today, too bad I wasted all those years believing her horrible lies about me. I had to go to work at 14 years old, as my adopted mother always had what she wanted/needed, but I never had proper clothing & I had to work to buy my own. My adopted sister chased me through & out of the house everyday on summer vacation with a 10 inch long butcher knife while my parents were at work. She pulled my bikini top down at the public pool, & twisted my fingers during her attacks so badly I had to wear braces as they were bruised to the bone. My parents said this was the result of "girls fighting. No, I was attacked.They did nothing to stop it or protect me. They never once told her her behavior was inappropriate. My adoptive mother raised us that her family is superior, & talked to her family for hours on end on the phone, wanting to know everything going on their lives, To this day, I'm 47, I have never had a compliment from her. She has told me my whole life she doesn't care about me & doesn't want to hear about "my problems." My adoptive parents traveled every year out of state on vacation since I was 15 years old, on Thanksgiving. I had no money, as I was in between jobs, & no car. All I had to eat was a small amount of lunch meat & white bread. I spent every Thanksgiving alone. She lied for years about my nationality, & said I was German because my adopted sister, who is no relation, is German. She never made any effort to find out any background info about me, as it didnt matter to her. She was so proud of her heritage. To this day I have no mother. She is a selfish evil woman. We have very little contact. I want to sue Catholic Charities for giving her a baby. There were no social workers who came to check on me after the adoption. They never followed up on my adoption.My adopted parents didn't know basic comon sense things, like babies need to be held a lot, especially those from an orphanage. They say the kids in the orphnage were happy & there's no difference between being there & being in a home. My mother critized me as crying as a baby whenever she put me down; her ignorance is astounding. I wasn't held after birth they wouldn't ley my birth mother touch me. I was in St. Vincents for 2 months. Once adopted, I laid in the crib all day long, until my body was covered head to toe in my own excrement. My mother says my Dad was a good parent because he cleaned it off me. I read in a book about adoptees some years ago, this happens when babies aren't held or talked to, this is how they express grief for the missing birth mother. I also lost weight. Doctors didn't know back then about failure to thrive, but I'm sure I had it, as though my parents took me to the doctor & said I was losing weight because of diarrea. I believe it was because I laid neglected in a crib while she smoked cigarettescontinuesly, & talked on the phone. My birth father was from Nebraska, JACK MERCIER. He was 25 in 1964. He lived in Chicago. Help, if you may know him, I have never had a real family.I need to find him.