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And, yes, I know it was stupid to go ahead and agree to it...but, we did. So, no going back now. Basically, the Assistant Attorney General called us up during the "settlement conference" to negotiate the terms of the OA...pretty high pressure, given that(of course) we really wanted her to relinquish, rather than go to trial and have the option of appealing...and appealing...and appealing. We are VERY happy and relieved that she signed...and we have quite a while before we have to deal with the enforcement of the OA, because no one can hold us liable until we have actually adopted our boy and the paperwork is filed with our finalization stuff. The way things move here, it will probably be 9 months to a year before we have to worry about that first visit...we agreed to two visits per calendar year. Keep in mind this is a very young mom...and in her mind, everything is everyone else's fault. Hostile is putting it mildly...although, by then, who knows...my concern is...I thought it was standard to put it in there that she has to behave appropriately during visits, or we leave. Granted, it does say that if she is high, or even appears to be high, we can call the visit and leave...and she has to pay for a UA out of her own pocket (within a specific amount of time after the visit)and get it to us to prove she was NOT high...or we are done and the contract is null and void. My concern is, what will happen if she behaves inappropriately in terms of insisting she is the mom and treating us like long term babysitters...and we leave? I know she would have to get legal counsel on her own and have it enforced...and I am thinking we could say in court that her behavior was NOT in our childs best interest and contrary to his wellbeing...just not sure if that would hold up? Anyone BTDT? Thanks...just kinda ruminating on this whole thing...but, still VERY excited to be adopting out sweet boy!
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I can assure you that even if my niece tried to act like she was the mom at a visit, my children would not think of her as "mom". It would probaby make them uncomfortable, though.
Thankfully since you have only two visits a year it should not be confusing, at least when your child is young. As your child gets older, it could be. In my experience, the longer out we go since relinquishment the less my children's mother wants to interact with them. :( She now has a husband and new baby and has not wanted a visit in a couple of months. I'm glad you will have a period of time in which there will be no contact. I think a cooling off period will be good for everyone involved.
It depends on your state.
In MA, per our OA, BM knew if she said anything inappropriate, we would terminate the visit on the spot.
She has a right to contest via the court system, but would have to bear the brunt of the court costs if (and when) she lost.
If she did this twice, all future visits would terminate until she was able to prove us wrong in court
If we WERE proven wrong, we would bear the court costs
So, think about it.. she has a TON to lose (the current and future visits, as well as hundreds of dollars in court costs) and nothing to gain (DD is clear who her mom is.. that bonding was very close to TPR. Anything T would say couldn't change this ) by acting out
I will say, you are seeing the BM at her worst right now. I couldn't imagine being friendly with T when we mediated at the last minute (the day of TPR).
Two years later, I kinda like her. Not enough to give my daughter back, mind you. but enough I don't mind seeing her 4 times a year for the next decade
I suspect things will settle down after the first couple of visits. Good luck!
Larue
Is the OA agreement already signed? Ours has a clause built into it that we can cancel a visit or even the agreement itself if we feel it is detrimental to our DD. Our attorney said this clause is standard in our State, where OA agreements are legally enforceable.
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