Will It ever stop

You are grieving. And you may also be dealing with trauma. You need a therapist that knows how to deal with both of these things. Are you in counseling? How old is your child? Do you have any contact?

Brenda is right. It sounds like you have learned to hide your pain but now it is coming back to the surface for some reason. You need a therapist to help you sort through this. I am so sorry for what you have been through and continue to go through. I was a teeneager when I placed my son too. I wish someone in my life had stepped up to help me keep my son instead of alienating me and putting me in a position where I had no other choice but to place him. He will be 21 in Sept and I still have some work to do with getting over my grief because I buried it for so long. Good luck to you. (((hugs)))

You say you learned how to hide the pain and move on, but that is not really dealing with your grief or healing. Hiding pain never works. It will come up, sooner or later, and it must be dealt with. You have to feel pain to work through it. There is no other way around it. I don't believe losing a child to adoption is something you can truly "move on" from or "get over". The agencies and pretty much everyone else likes to tell us this (you'll forget about it and move on....AS IF!). I do believe you can make progress in terms of coping, and reach a place of healing and growth. Having said that, you will always have moments or times when you feel sadness over the loss. How could you not? I am reunited with my son and things have been very good between us. It has been such a blessing and has been very healing for me. But it still doesn't take away the pain of losing him. People think because it was a voluntary loss, it somehow is not supposed to hurt. For me, the grieving was the worst after I had my son, and that first year without him was horrible. Then things eased up as I was living my life, but I thought about him constantly and especially around his birthday. I started to feel the loss very strongly again as he came of age. Counseling helped tremendously at these times, and I highly recommend it. Also, if there is a support group in your area for mothers of surrendered children, that can be very helpful too. Whatever you do, don't be afraid to feel your feelings, and let them out. Sometimes writing them down can be really helpful in releasing these feelings.

I really have thought of a support group but Idk where to even look I know that hiding the pain was wrong but thats the only way I could manage Its hard to believe after all the years it still hurt I thought if I ignored the pain it would eventually go away and to make this worse my cousin and I got into an arguement and she says some dumb stuff like why don't you go find your daughter threw me for a loop thanks for all the advise and it really helps to know im not alone cause sometimes i feel like im alone in this I see people glorify adoption and sometimes I just want to tell people its awful don't do it but then I realize that sometimes it the right thing to do I'm just so confused

I placed a daughter 20+ yrs ago. For me, the pain has never left although it seems a bit easier to deal with now. I also have a gut reaction to tell others "don't do it", but as u said, sometimes it's the right thing to do.Ive tried but haven't had any real counseling myself cuz it seems everyone in my area has preconceived notions about adoption. The stigma is hard to overcome. I resorted to reading just about every book about b-moms and adoptees that I can find. I see a little of myself in every one. That seems to help validate the mix of feelings I have about everything. It's also put several things about the adoption experience into perspective.I wish u the best but, unfortunately, with or without a support group, this will be something you'll have to deal with personally. Pls feel free to email me if u wanna talk further...And remember... Ur not alone in this!

I too am looking for support nothing and no help WAs available my son is going to be 15. Just know it is normal you aren't alone that is what we are all here for. I understand as a birthmom only can. I think as more time goes by it is harderbecause even as life goes on a part of us is missing and no one understands the loss from adoption is always there. Hugs I'm feeling depressed lately as well missing his life moments as I grow older too.

Everything you just said, I have said a million times. Thank you for that. I know the never ending struggle. I'm a birth-mother, forced....not by choice. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, it does I suppose in ways but the struggle only changes as time goes on. It is always with you. Stay strog, would love to visit....god bless you.