Contemplating contact

Speaking for myself as a birthmother, contact is always welcome. A simple message - if you can tell her facebook is active- may be enough to get the ball rolling. It sounds absolutely crazy, and you will probably feel awkward sending such a message, but a simple, "I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable, but I searched online for my birthmother and I found you! I would love to get to know you and potentially meet you someday if you are open to it!" message could work wonders. I hope it all works out for you; I bet your birthmom would love to know how beautiful and amazing you've turned out to be! The birthparents I know are just like your parents; you will always blow their mind and make them proud!

A birthmum here. I always wanted contact, but that is me. Good luck!!!!

Send her a fb message. Just tell her that you are open to chatting with her, meeting her, getting to know her, etc if she would like. Hopefully she will be just as excited about you as you are about her. Good Luck and keep us posted!

I remember being at the stage you are now. That was many years ago and a log has happened. I was nervous, exctited, the whole emotional gambit. I told myself that I really only wanted information which was a form of safeguard against rejection. I was rejected. So please take time at this stage before initiating contact. Don't proceed becasue it will cure something else wrong in life. Rejection does happen, disappointment does appen so only when you feel on a strong emotional platform make contact. I used the adoption agency to initiate contact. This is recommended. In truth I can''t see the outcome being any different what ever method of communicating is used. I wish you all the best. If it were not for hope our hearts would break.

I believe reunion can be a win/win if you prepare. What happens is that people go into it without any preparation. As a good friend of mine said, sure, you can drive a car without ever having seen one before, or given any lessons but what are the odds of you ending up in the ditch if you don't prepare first? Just a few question to ponder. Have you acknowledged you own pain from the adoption trauma? Have you acknowledged the anger and rage that is almost universally caused by the adoption trauma? Have you been able to grieve your losses? Do you have empathy for your first parents and what emotions reunion will inevitably bring up? That reunion doesn't really heal pain but brings more to the surface? Are you ready that first parents may not be able to deal with their pain and thus not able to have a relationship? That this has nothing to do with you but their inability to deal with their pain. That the reality is YOU can't be rejected but their pain can be? That there may be 'testing' or 'acting out' by both you and your first parents? That this is a mostly unconscious thing? That both sides may unknowingly sabotage the relationship because of unacknowledged feelings? That grief will hit you like a ton of bricks if you actually have a good start to your reunion? That the weight of all you've lost may be crushing when you acknowledge that you actually love those that created you? These are just a few questions to ask yourself. If you are not willing to commit to having a lifelong relationship with your first parents then you probably shouldn't seek them out? That your uncertainty will be glaringly apparent and can sabatoge the reunion before it even gets started? Personally, I would NOT recommend having a third party make first contact if you wish to have a relationship with your first parents. If you are looking for medical information only then this would be the recommended way to go. I don't think its a coincidence that (in my experience) the overwhelming majority of failed reunions had a third party first contact. And those that do succeed, there is a regret that they didn't make that first contact. Yes, the agency will recommend they or another be involved but they aren't necessarily the experts or to be fully trusted in this most sacred matter (IMO). A couple of articles to ponder... [URL="http://www.adoptionhealing.com/How%20you%20can%20know%20you%20are%20ready%20to%20search%20%20%28Adoptee%20version%29.htm"]How does the adoptee know when to search/make contact?[/URL] I've posted this link a few times now but I think its worthy of repeating. [URL="http://www.adoptionhealing.com/FearofMommyLove.html"]Fear of Mommy Love[/URL] This is such an exciting time for you and I know I may've just come off as a big 'Debbie Downer'. I believe that if you can take the time to prepare for any eventuality you will have no regrets and your reunion will be win/win!! Good luck :)

Facebook is tricky about messages. If you aren't friends or friends of a friend, it hides the messages in the "other" folder under messages. You have to send a friend request. Be sure to check your "other" folder also. Good luck, I can't wait to hear how it goes.

All previous posts have insight. I, as a birthmom, would want contact. All I can add is my support. Let us know what you decide... and how it goes. Soprano

Exactly. And, are they really going to accept a friend request from someone they don't know? FB used to allow us to send a message along w/ the friend request. Now, we just have to hope that our b-families accept every friend request. Irksome.