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We've adopted 3 kids from foster care (special needs) and are adopting another one soon ,also with special needs. I am often asked (by family members, friends or other well-meaning people, I guess) if we get "paid" for taking these kids in . I think in the case of some people (like my mom and other family members) they are concerned about how we can afford these kids. First of all, we live debt -free, unlike most of America, who have to have car payments and a fancy house, we live below or means, but we are not poor at all. Yes, we get a subsidy and state insurance. Otherwise there is no way we could afford to adopt the children we have ,some with severe medical needs. But I don't think that's anyone's business, although I suppose the information is out there online somewhere. So how do you respond to rude questions like this? I am usually caught off guard, so I need a pat answer . Generally I say the state provides healthcare for what our insurance doesn't cover, and that we get a kind of "child support" to help raise them and take care of their special needs. It's not like we are making a living off these kids or becoming millionaires... :hissy:
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Yesterday I got asked the same question about how much money do you make? Twice in one day... I have several sayings and I do not disclose an amount. "I spend more each month than I get." Or "If you get married and divorced you will make triple what these kids get, and they come with nothing and no baby shower." Or "You might be able to make a little money if you take a child on a feeding tube or who is a fire starter that can't be around other kids." My answer really depends on my mood. I do not like that question and I get it all the time.
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I was in a meeting the other day where the recruitment of foster parents was a topic. Because I was the only foster parent in the room I was point blank asked "do you get paid enough to cover your costs?". My answer "I depends, if you keep the child lifestyle similar to where they cam from and need to go back to..... It is almost enough. If you want to take them on a trip, by clothes to help with self esteem, shop places other than good will and yard sales....nope. If you want them to try baseball, dance lessons, piano.....it's out of your pocket ". I get $366 per month for a child 0-4 years. The day care I chose costs an additional $160 per month, then there are diapers $80 add in clothes, food, shoes and toys, gas for 2 visits a week, therapy and doctor and you might have enough for an ice cream cone. Then there are things like strollers, pictures, field trips, not to mention the addition water, electricity and basic wear and tare on the home. They just published the cost of raising a child to 18 it averages $1050.55 a month. A little more then the stipend
July 14, 2012
Depends on the person asking me, I have had a few people who were interested in fostering and them I do tell about what the monthly stipend is but warn them them that it needs to cover anything for the kids. As for the nosy people asking if I'd get paid to adopt kids I give them way more information than they'd want about how well if you take children with extreme disabilities or something there might be a stipend. I completely leave out my opinion on it though. A snarky answer might be easier
The CEO of my company recently asked me "do you have help" I took it to mean a nanny- he clarified he meant financially. I was a little surprised at how straightforward of a question but I think it's one of the reasons a lot of people don't consider fostering or older child adoption. I told him that the state pays for daycare and insurance but the rest doesn't nearly cover all the expenses. Then I joked about needing my full time job. Sure it's kind of personal but I think it's out of concern. Most days I decide to embrace that some people think I'm a saint- no one I live with does!
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If a nosy person straight up asked about money, I'd be ticked. And as for a person genuinely wanting to know...well, I wanted to know but wasn't rude enough to ask...that's why there's Google. There is a myth out there that fostering is all about making money as some sort of job...ugh. But adopting? And medical needs to boot??My response would be...blank stare and "Pay? Someone is supposed to be pay ME? What???"
I think it's rude to directly ask how much, but people have asked. Once before I even had my first placement and I had absolutely no clue as I had never asked (obviously not my motivation). If they do ask, I say it depends on the kid's needs and they are rated so not every placement is the same. So far no one has had the guts to ask for an "average" or something like that.
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Loving4ward
I am not sure anyone has ever asked me. But I think I would say "Yes - I get paid with the best hugs and kisses every single day!!"
I have never been asked ny a stranger how much we "make" fostering children. However, I have been asked by other FP's how much my stipend check is. Sometimes I feel like its a game..the FP with the biggest check wins. In general, I don't think its any business of a total stranger to know how much my foster child gets paid. My husband and I wouldn't tell someone how much we make at our careers, so we wouldn't tell someone how much our FKs make either. If a stranger asked me how much money we get for fostering, I think I would just say that it is none of their business. OR, just tell them the amount doesn't even cover full time preschool while we are at work. We pay for pretty much everything for day to day care out of our own pockets. Like I've said before...none of us are getting rich doing this.
If someone is asking about our foster care or adoption, I tell them that I do get paid to do what I would do anyways. That usually ends it.We're in the middle of our adoption for foster care and people like to ask how we can afford it. I tell them that the state is paying the fees and add they're getting to watch their tax dollars at work ;) Most say that they would rather see it spent on kids than on other things the gov does. It's funny how many people don't like welfare but don't mind seeing the money go to me ;)
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JessicaBaker
Hmm, it doesn't bother me at all when people ask. I am very upfront and honest about it. Everyone I know, knows we aren't in it for the money. Now if a complete stranger asked me I'd likely feel differently.