Unsupportive Family

Mrs.J, congrats on starting the process towards adoption! I am so sorry your mom is not supportive. Luckily, you have many other people that sound wonderful and very supportive. I know how difficult the mother-daughter relationship can be, trust me-I really do. I would say first, you have to stop feeling responsible for her feelings. No matter how much you "want to make her as comfortable as I can", YOU do not have that power. Your mother has her point of view and no matter what you say or do, she can only be happy for you if SHE decides to be. It is so hard to have someone we love be so hurtful and unsupportive. I am terribly sorry you have to deal with this during what should be a happy time. From now on, if your mother says something about your inability to be a good parent, tell her you do not appreciate her attitude and that you will not talk to her about adoption or children until she can be supportive. Be clear that, although you love her, she is being hurtful and destructive and until she can find it in her heart to respect your desire to be a mother you will not tolerate her negativity, even if that means very limited contact. I can not express enough how important it is for you to speak your mind and share your feelings with your mother. If you feel you can not do this in person or over the phone, then write a letter. You will feel much better and be able to better deal with her if you are completely honest. It may be unpleasant for a while but if she knows how strongly you feel, she will eventually realize her mistake and be more respectful, at least that is the hope. It is easy to walk all over a person who does not stand their ground than one who clearly portrays a solid sense of self-respect.When we deny speaking our truth, we silently give the untruths validity. I hope that I have in no way offended you. I hope you and your mother can find peace and understanding. I wish you all the luck in your adoption journey.