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My DH and I have decided to move forward with domestic adoption. We have not yet started the paperwork for the Homestudy as we are still getting our finances together.
I guess our biggest fear is the health of the baby. How open were you to the birthmother using drugs, alcohol or smoking? We attended a meeting at one of the local Agencies and they stated that obviously your acceptance of "recreational" usage would probably mean an earlier placement. I am in *no way stating that most birthmothers are drug users. This was a merrily a point brought up by the Social worker since it obviously does occur. She also stated "what if the young woman was experimenting during college or HS and did not know that she was pregnant at the time." Food for thought...
Thank you for your time!
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Are you going foster/ adopt, then you may not have a way of knowing. If your spending good money to an adoption agency, then the mother should be doing everything in her power to ensure a health pregnacy. I think most mothers try to do right with their child. It's very hard to say, since a mother drinking and doing drugs, might hide it. Then you find out after you falling in love with your baby. I wouldn't want any baby having to go threw drugs or alcohol. With that being said I don't think I could say no to a child. But don't feel bad if you find out the first mom, is doing drugs or alcohol and you turn the baby down. Some people over look drugs and alcohol. Alot of mothers smoke, you might have to over look that.
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I was open to considering just about anything on a case-by-case basis. The agency I worked with asked what substances you would be open to considering, and for any substance, for me, it depended on the extent and timing of use. I would have been less comfortable with alcohol than with other substances. However, if I had said "no" to any substance, it would have been "no" across the board to that substance - I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be considered for a situation in which, for example, a woman had used once or twice before finding out that she was pregnant. I did a lot of research, and I would have checked out any situation with my doctor. As it turned out, my son's bmom didn't smoke, drink, or use drugs, so I didn't have to do any figuring out.
Thank you everyone for your open honesty and sharing your experiences. We would be adopting and not fostering. I work in the medical field and I have seen what happens when the mother smokes during pregnancy. The child has chronic lung infections, severe asthma and suppressed immune systems. I don't know if I can be ok with that. That being said, I guess our wait time will be longer. :(
It's just a lot to think about...
It truly is an individual preference and only you and your spouse can determine what you both are comfortable with. We decided to move forward with considering everything except moderate or heavy drinking. We like the option to review all the facts before making our decision about matching with a bmom and if we ruled out any drugs or smoking, then we would never have the option to be considered even if the bmom only smoked once before she found out she was pregnant.
For us, having the option to say yes or no is okay with us. Some people already know they would not be okay with any type of exposures and that is okay as well.
I wish you the best of luck!
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