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Not sure where to post this, but since it concerns making a decision about our open adoption I figured I would start here. Our AD is very special needs due to a violent assault perpetrated on her by her bio father. We just finished trial, finally, and the verdict came in and the father was found gulilty of two counts of 1st degree assault of a child with special circumstances. We have always wondered if bio mom was involved or just failed to notice. Nothing came out at trial that mom was involved, but much evidence came out about her lack of action even though it was obvious something was very wrong with her child, the abuse was not a one time action, but was actually systematic torture. This baby was failed by every single adult in her life, it is tragic, but there appear to be times that if her bio mom had taken some sort of action, the day of the most violent assault may never have happened. Due to this information we are considering closing the adoption, I don't want to appear cruel and if I felt that she suffered any sort of guilt for her neglect I might feel differently, but there appears to be not a shred of guilt or remorse.
What would you do?
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Considering the info you have given,I would have a closed adoption. I have a friend who has two AD's that were both severly abused. They are closed. I'm a huge proponent of open when the open means it serves to help the child. I really can't see anything good coming of having any contact with them now. If possible, get as much genetic/medical info as you can. If it were me, I would want to know where they were over time in order to protect my child from any contact.
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Not knowing all the details/circumstances of the case, but based on what's here, I would close it as well. Now, if mom had some reason to not notice (disability, etc.) then maybe I would reconsider. But if she is an abled person and could make sound decisions, I would close it. I agree the openness is for the benefit of the children, not the parents. It appears she did not keep the child safe when she could have, and now that child is suffering the consequences. Very sad. Good luck in whatever you decide.
wcurry66-My DH also says we can't keep the adoption open just because we don't want to hurt the bio mom's feelings or make her feel bad, he believes that she has no remorse and takes not one shred of responsibility for what happened to our daughter, I find that very odd because most mommy's that I know always feel some guilt even if there kids have an accident, we are always full of what if's, I don't believe this girl has ever asked herself "what if". She had a very rough childhood, and spent a number of years in a group home. She once told me that she had been diagnosed with RAD, which would explain a lot!!
My daughter is severely brain injured, these visits mean absolutely nothing to her, she has very little awareness of life, so we are only doing them for the bio and after what was revealed in court, I just don't think I want to make the effort anymore.
Given that your daughter has so little awareness, I would not do visits in your situation. The most I would ever do in that situation is one short letter a year or something like that, and may well have a completely closed adoption. I would try and get as much medical info as possible for the future, but I don't see how visits could benefit her in any waySuch a horrid situation, I'm sorry :(
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