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A lot of times after my daughter has a good time she is terrible afterward. If she goes to a party she is mad that it is over, she wants to go somewhere else. Same with swimming. Today she finally made a friend up the street and had her over. After she left she was mad because I wouldn't take her to the park. She is so disastisifed. Most kids I know come home from something all exciting, happy and talking all about it. Not my daughter. It almost makes me dread her having a good time.
Tonight I finally couldn't take her behavior anymore and put her in time out. She went into a rage, she didn't hit me but came at me with her fists clentched. I hate to say this but I got her to back down by telling her if she hit me I was going to knock her out. So this threat worked because I'm still bigger than her but not for much longer. So I know not the correct response but it is a little hard to do the right thing when somebody is coming at you like that. Anyway she's been through a year of therapy and she is alright most of the time. I'm pretty sure it was the stress etc. I'm a little worried about the violent behavior because she is almost as big as me now but the temper tantrum are greatly reduced so I have hope on that as she grows more mature. However, I'm worried about her negative reaction to doing something fun. I don't want her to go back to therapy because I've drained my time off at work and the benefits did not outweigh all that. She doesn't seem to be grateful and appreciate when she has a good time. I don't mean be grateful to me I just mean come home and have that "normal" happy afterglow and realize she was lucky to have such a wonderful day. I've heard adopted kids ruin Christmas etc. but has anybody else noticed this behavior and what did you do about it? The not being happy after behavior, not the temper tantrum. Though a suggestion on that would be helpful too I guess just in case her temper doesn't continue to improve.
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I do not have any advise, but will be interested in what others say. I know a teen with a similar issue. She needs to always be entertained somehow by others. For awhile she settled down, but only after months of not being allowed to go anywhere! Now that school is out and she has been allowed to go to parties and other events, she is back to being miserable whenever she is at home, even minutes after getting home from an all day event!
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Sounds like she doesn't have the ability to self-regulate (ie calm herself down from an emotional high) which is a skill learned in infancy, but is lacking for many kids whose needs aren't met consistently.
I assume she's in therapy? A cognitive behavioral therapist may be able to help her learn some coping skills. If it is extreme, making her unhappy as well as those around her, perhaps she needs meds that will help her body regulate until she is able to do it on her own.
Therapy was okay, it seemed to help her know somebody was interested but it didn't make that much difference. I went to a class and they told the social workers therapy every two weeks isn't going to do it.
Yea, that is the problem she didn't learn normal behavior when she was younger. She doesn't know how to react to things. Maybe that is the problem, since she came I never go out by myself and have any fun so she has never seen anybody come home afterwards. lol
What age is your child?
My nephew had all his need met, he gets mad still, when he has to stop an activity. He's 4 yearsold., maybe he's still young.
Myoddlife
Sounds like she doesn't have the ability to self-regulate (ie calm herself down from an emotional high) which is a skill learned in infancy, but is lacking for many kids whose needs aren't met consistently.
Sounds to me like something a two year old has to learn how to deal with. Think of a two year old, having to leave the park, or a play activity. They throw a tantrum, right? Because the fun now has to be over. And they don't WANT the fun to be over, darnit!
I'd work with her cognitively. Talk, before she goes to the fun thing, that this is going to be fun, but when it's over, it's going to be hard for her. That it's hard to leave something fun, but there will be another fun thing the next time. When the fun is over, verbalize what she's probably feeling. That it's sad that the super fun thing is over. That she's probably a little angry that the fun thing is over. But what can she look forward to? What's the next fun thing in store?
I've also heard of parents having an "in between" fun activity. Not something super fun, but something sort of fun. So that there's an intermediate step between "super fun" and "regular life". I don't know how your house works, but maybe a short TV show or a lollipop or something along those lines.
*hugs* to you. It's frustrating. My kids, especially my DD who has emotion regulation issues, have trouble with this. You almost don't want them to have fun because the aftermath SUCKS.
Best of luck!
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My daughter is 6.5. I hate to say it but that is probably it. When she was four they said she had the emotional development of a two to three year old. That she was stuck because something happened then. Basically they said when she felt secure she would start to move forward, she has progressed a lot. Less tantrums etc. but it is hard to remember somebody almost as tall as me sometimes has the emotions of a much younger child. Oh yea, they said that emotional regulation thing too. At least I can see a lot of improvement.
It sounds to me like part of your frustration is that she "isn't like" other kids. I'll just be blunt, she isn't. Her history is different than "other" kids. She's different. I said this as the parent of an autistic child, there comes a point when you have to start using the "other kids" yard stick. By that yard stick your child isn't gong to measure up.....But when measured against her own standard, she's made HUGE progress. You said that she's made a friend. A FRIEND.
Also, as a single parent, I understand how difficult having appointments here there and everywhere is while trying to keep a job. But if you're child needs it, she needs it. Therapy won't be a simple fix-you're not going to see overnight improvement, or maybe even improvement in a year....but if can be the difference in a grown child being able to live effectively in society compared to a grown child downing in society. The other thing that can come out of therapy is the that therapist gives you tools to deal with these kinds of issues. A child that is wound up and excited and doesn't have the ability to self regulate isn't going to mellow and glow easily. That child is going to want to continue the emotional high. Again, not a miracle fix, but a good therapist can give you tools and suggestions for that transition.
I don't expect my daughter to be like other children. However, it is our fate to always try to figure out if a behavior is because of her back ground or just plain normal child bad behavior. As far as the therapist goes, we were lucky enough to find a relatively good one but most of the others there were twenty something fresh out of college. If I thought the therapy was making a signficant difference, then yes I would use my leave and take the time. Unlike a large amount of the current population in this country it is not my intent to lose my job and live off the government. In fact that is one of the very reasons my daughter was in foster because her mother didn't work and seemed to think she didn't have to either. Therapy has it's place but I'm also trying to show her an example of a mother who has a job and has a work ethic.
She went to therapy for over a year and in the beginning it was making a difference but as she progressed the limited help it was providing did not outweigh time off work, being in that waiting room where the meth patients got off on the wrong floor, where there were signs on the wall, "no weapons", I had to worry about us getting bed bugs etc. and have a therapist tell my daughter if she didn't straighten up she would end up in a residential treatment center.
Yes, maybe I could find a better therapist with luck and a lot of time and if get to the point where I think it is necessary I'll will do that but luckily for my daughter she is still improving and I don't think it is necessary but that doesn't stop me from questionning behavior etc.