Experiences with kids going to rehab with mom?

I know three families through my fost/adopt support groups who have had foster children sent to live with mom in rehab. All 3 ended up with the kids back in foster care and eventually adopted. I think it's crazy to send the kids to rehab so soon. They should make mom prove herself for at least 6 months before disrupting the kids' lives once again.

I totally agree with this. 2 weeks is rediculous, setting the mother up to fail and the kids for more trauma. Things are just getting hard at drug rehab at the month mark. 6 months is much more reasonable. That is why I was so blown away with both RUs failing for our kids. The mothers were given every opportunity. They worked their butts off for 9-12 months & then fell apart so quickly? :grr: :grr: It is just so hard to understand. Edited to say: the reason for the huge time in rehab (12-24 months) is that recovery for meth addicts is very very difficult. The long rehab stays give them a fighting chance, but it didn't work for one mom and the other it didn't fix the bonding/parenting issue with the children. The rehab itself however, worked.

I am in Massachusetts too & this happens so quickly because DCF has a contract with the residential facilities so they must place the child with the mom within a month of her entering rehab. DCF can still maintain custody during this time though. I have heard of one person for whom it was successful but she really wanted to change her life. Unfortunately, at least a few of them (I'm not sure if all of them) here are considered "harm reduction programs" and the mothers can continue to use and still stay in the program with their children. I think this would be a good program for babies whose mothers decide when they have the baby that they want to get help. I don't like it at all for older children!! My FD's mom is on a wait list and I really wish that program was not an option to her. Once she realized it provided a way to have her child back and still use, she stopped even trying to stay clean!!

My AD's mom had her 2 oldest daughters with her in a "mommy and me" program. She relapsed 8 months after graduating. I think they need to get the kids in with them quickly to maintain a bond BUT only with first (and maybe second) time offenders. It took the second rehab for Chuy's mom to stay clean, mostly because it took her that time to realize she couldn't return to the girl's dad as he was part of her downfall. They did not allow the girls to go the second time. I definitely agree with that decision even though it cost mom her girls. By the time she completed her 12 month rehab the girls were so bonded to their FPs. It is the only reason she doesn't have them back. It is almost a year and a half after that completed rehab, 2.5 years sober and she is doing great but doesn't have her kids. I also think she is the exception to the rule, but I feel like if they are going to put them with the mom after a month or 2 months in the rehab why not do it sooner? As long as the kids are safe why not?

My FFS who was abandoned was terribly traumatized by the abandonment. A week of being there with her and being abandoned with strangers did so much damage that it took me a month to stablize him. We shouldn't RU even in rehabs unless a lot of work has been done & it's reasonably safe and healthy. Just 3 weeks of rehab is not enough to ensure this IMO. On the other hand, I see what you are saying about bonding. One of the main reasons my kids birth mother signed the identified surrender is because she realized when she finally got them back that they had no bond with her. I think it takes more than a couple of weeks to make sure the parent is serious about getting help, but 9-12 months was just too long especially with infants and toddlers.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. My STBAS's birthmom spent time with him in another "mommy & me" rehab right after he was born. She "graduated" from the program, and then went right back to her hometown and started using again. After she was caught dealing, DCF finally removed our STBAS. So I don't have a lot of confidence in these programs. I was trying to decide whether or not to make a big stink about DCF RUing our FKs so soon at such a place... but was worried that it would just tick off DCF. And the info about DCF being required to RU within a month is very interesting... I was wondering why they were pushing to do it so fast. I think maybe I'll keep my mouth shut, but make sure they know we'll take the boys back if mom doesn't make it. It just kills me that they keep putting the kiddos through this trauma. Any idea if they will make sure the kiddos get to dental, medical and therapy appointments while at the facility?

I used to work at one of these facilities. It's just like any other program. The moms who are determined to get better do, the ones who aren't don't. That said, most of the programs offer counseling for the kids too, as well as preschool type activities to help make sure they are on track for school. They support the parents A LOT and will make sure the kids get to any appointments that they have. Essentially they do their best to make sure the kids there are safe. Usually most of our kids were in CPS custody. I don't know if it's the same at most programs, but the facility I was at required the ladies to have their children with them within a certain amount of time in the program or they would get transferred to an outside facility that was adult only. There was always a huge waiting list. I saw many women do really well and turn their lives around, and some crash and burn. The women who went to half way houses afterwards generally were more likely to remain sober long term. The other thing is, they have to do a lot of documentation. The facility we were at included documentation on parents, kids, and their interactions. The programs are not easy on anyone. Generally the babies through kinders did pretty well, after that most of the kids felt like they were in jail because there are so many rules and restrictions.

Long term recovery rates for methamphetamine addiction is less than 10% from what I understand. It's so hard to fathom someone being clean for months and even years to relapse. In our area it's a scourge. There are so many babies and children in foster care in our area. It's heartbreaking & I'm not sure what the answer is. THese programs seem to be the best possible tools for the parents to get it together, but obviously they are not a cure-all. My niece's program had medical, dental and therapy transportation for both the mothers and children. They had much of the therapy and education on site. However, it was an issue when someone got sick on the weekend. It was a huge deal to get permission to go to an urgent care clinic. 9-5 Mon-Fri was not a problem.

I agree with the age thing. I think it works best for babies and toddlers. I kind of see it as an extension of providing help in the home. They offer services in the homes to see if they can keep the family together and safe. The rehab provides both of those things. If it is a first time offense with a baby or young child I am in favor of a program like this.

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To me one of the biggest benefits to the moms having their kids there with them is that being a parent is stressful. Getting used to that stress in a structured supportive environment can really reduce the risk that they will relapse when they get out. There are already so many stressors when they get out, but dealing with their traumatized children and/or children who don't remember them, on top of all the rest can be really hard. It's not perfect by any means, but if the kids are going to end up back anyways, I think it can really improve the chances of the RU being successful.

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we had a therapist for our kids. and she pushed for the kids to NOt live in rehab. she said she would NEVER sign off onthem living in anything other than a stable home. She didn't want them to livei in an institution type setting or having to share living quarters with other moms and kids (like in a transition house thing) and our judge agreed with the therapist. yes they do make sure kids get to appts. Within reason. Mom tried to get one place she lived to okay the kids coming but when they found out the list of the kids diagnosis and therapies, they said no way no how!

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