Just found my son 19 years old

The fact that you have reached out to him in a time of trouble speaks volumes. I am adopted and I searched my whole life and met my parents who had married each other after they gave me up. The confusion and abandonment issues are very complicated for many adoptees. Even if you do not go on to have a relationship what you have done is huge. Take it slowly and insure that you set some boundaries because sometimes adoptees are very vulnerable and you can't make up for all of the issues that have unfolded. I hope that you are able to get some joy from all of this. The justice system is filled with people who have abandonment issues for one reason or another. When people feel "disconnected" it causes havoc.

My only comment would be to ensure that your children are OK with this change in their family. Making room for a stranger... especially one who has taken their father's focus for the last few weeks and for your daughter, has usurped her place as the eldest child.... It is pretty hard on your home family. Even your wife will be a little stressed. I was found by my 32yo adopted son, and my 29 yo son was furious with me. He fought any change to HIS family. Id suggest you take it slow - one step at a time - and include everyone so all feel they are making a joint effort to move forward. Ann

This. Very cool that you went out on a limb helping some teen you thought may or may not been your son. Maybe you can help him out in life... mentor him... Just don't think that you can instantly change him. He may get into trouble again, he may be into alcohol... you never know. At 19, that age is rough. I would just ease into the relationship slowly. I would be sensitive to your kids living with you and not make the 19 year old too much of a focus. I guess I don't have advice, but I think it's cool you wanted to find your son and helped him out and seem to be understanding of him during a rough patch in his life. Good luck.

Good for you! No matter the outcome of the DNA test, you have done a great thing. If he is your son, know that it may be a little rough to start, for both of you. He's always known about you, but you haven't known of his existence. Take it slow. Take it one day at a time, and treat him with the grace you hope he'd afford you. That being said, healthy boundaries are fine. A parent who has raised a 19 year old who winds up in jail will most likely set some rules/boundaries as well. Good luck!

What touched me was the fact that he said he's been searching his whole life and his one dream was to find me in Cuba--I'm not in Cuba nor am I Cuban. If this kid wants to turn his life around he'll have a whole family sstructure willing and happy to help him out. I'm talking about uncles and aunts and even grandparents who are all happy to have him as one of their own. We'll see what God has in store for us and why God put this kid in our lives.

My children and I live in another country and they are my priority. I do see some difficulties but there's nothing I can do about how they feel. All I can do is assure them that it doesn't change my relationship with them (my own kids) and that it's God's plan for whatever reason. We'll all take it one day at a time and live by healthy boundaries and loving, positive example. It'll be a grouth experience for all of us but everything is in motion right now. Thnks for the reply

Despite the surprise to all when a "lost" child comes knocking at the door; it's reality. People who are caught up in the concept that this "lost" person will usurp the position they hold shouldn't be the focus. That mentality is one of a premise that somehow states that "love" is limited and if someone loves someone there is a loss to the others. I don't buy into that. I am adopted and although I was a shock to my family of origin; the only person who is affected in that way is my birthmother who unfortunately internalized the "shame" that the outside world deemed she should have for being the one who got pregnant. Her intentions were not to harm but the secretive process unfortunately impacted her and her sense of integrity. Both my father and mother were responsible but because the woman often feels the brunt of the social pressure; she deems me as too much to handle. My brothers are not caught up in that. Thank God. I have a hard time empathizing with the concept that the siblings would feel jealous. After all they had the benefit/consequences or what have you of being connected. Why would the adopted person be a threat? I just don't get that. It would shake the siblings trust if there had been secrecy; but if the relationship with their parents is solid and everyone is open about their feelings hopefully they would understand that the immediate reaction is normal. It passes. The infatuation at first simmers down from the rolling boil. Good for you. I am happy to hear of people stepping up to the plate to add to the greater good.