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Hi, this is my first post here. I am currently fostering a 4 year old and his 2 year old brother. They have been here a week and when we accepted them we were told they had been neglected but basically just needed to learn to be in a family setting. Within 4 days we could see that was not the case due to manipulation, crazy lying, splitting, etc. The transition therapist now thinks he has Insecure Ambivalent Attachment Disorder and we should be getting an attachment therapist to work with us in our home. Has anyone had experience with this and is this a form of RAD? How bad did it get before it got better? He has shown some aggression to his brother in the past and has decided he doesn't like one of our dogs (so now we keep them separated unless I'm right there). Thanks, any input would be welcome.
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Yes, that is a specific type of RAD. It may take some time (4-12 months) for things to get better. He is going to need to be able to form an attachment to a primary caregiver (you). He will need to learn that he can trust you for basic needs, and that you are emotionally available to him. The prognosis tends to be better the younger the child is (before age 12 is best). Try to do things to mimic a parent-infant attached relationship: spoon feed him some items, snuggle time each day, never withhold food (try not to even withhold sweets, etc) food is the basic form of nurturing. If he gets hurt, scoop him up, cuddle him for a few minutes. You need to recreate the basic "trust vs mistrust" scenario for him. There are some great books out there on attachment disorder and parenting an attachment disordered child. Also, an attachment specialist can help you learn a parenting style tailored for a child with RAD. Good luck!!!
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It's great that the therapist caught this and is offering in home help!!! We still don't have that and it's been 3 1/2 years.
It's also a positive that he is so young!
Take really, really good care of yourself. Take breaks, find someone encouraging to talk to. Remember that this is not anything to do with YOU! There are things you can do to help... But this is something that can really knock people down as parents. Stay strong.