Things that have helped us heal...

It's been a month since we made our very difficult choice. Grieving our son's loss has been more difficult than we ever imagined. The adoptive couple has been great, though. We've been keeping in touch and they send us weekly e-mails, updates, photos, and keep us in the loop on well-baby visits. So far so good. Though we are proceeding with hopeful caution, overall we are hopeful that the friendship we established prior to our son's birth will go far in keeping us all connected over the years. We feel so fortunate to have found an adoptive family for our son who also desires a very open adoption relationship with the birth parents. Other things that have helped with the pain: creating a photo book on Shutterfly. It came out beautiful, and as soon as I figure out how, I am going to post it on the adoption forum. Creating this book really helped during the days prior and after our son's birth. It gave us a place to put all the love we were feeling for our baby, and to put our feelings into words and pictures. It includes photos of the adoptive couple, how we met, the time we spent with them, photos of us as children so our son can see where he gets his great looks lol, and photos of his birth. We also included the lyrics to "Forever Young" by Bob Dylan, as well as "The Legacy of an Openly Adopted Child" by Brenda Romanchik. The adoptive couple loved the book and have ordered a copy to read to our son. We also recently purchased a brick to commemorate our son's birth at the hospital where he was born. It has his original birth name (Matthew J. Rich), now Jedidiah Matthew Mueller, and reads "In Our Hearts," his birthdate (7/16/12) and our initials. The adoptive couple also bought me a beautiful locket with Jed Matthew's photo inside, as well as my other son Zack who is 11 and has severe autism and MR (the reason for our very difficult choice). Having both my babies with me next to my beating heart really helps, and I look at the photos often. We also created a special place in our house to display photos of Jed, ourselves, and his adoptive parents, as well as a special Willow Tree figurine of an expectant couple, so we will always remember our special role as birth parents. It helps to remember that no matter what his birth certificate says, we will always be a part of who Jed is, and who he will become. While the adoptive parents' name will live on, so will a part of us, and nothing will ever change that. Anyway, the pain is still fresh, and there are days when I just cry and cry and struggle to get through the next 15 minutes. But there are days where the grief isn't so terrible and we see the hope and the promise of a normal life for our son, and see that our choice was in the best interests of both children. We derive some happiness and comfort knowing we gave our baby the chance to live and have a normal life, rather than choosing an abortion to spare us the pain we now feel. And that we did not give up on our special-needs child out of want for normalcy in our own lives. Still, it is a shame that our lack of family support and resources forced us to reach this very difficult decision. Reading all of your stories on here really helps, too. I appreciate all the great information, and it helps to know that we are not alone in our grief or our choice.