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I have to say that writing on here has been a great release, seeing others going through the adoption reunion process. It's hard sometimes not having someone to relate with regarding adoption. I feel this is one of the bonds I have with my son. I quick background, I found my son on fb 14 months ago. It was very rocky at first but turned around after the shock wore off. He was living in Alabama were he was having a hard time maintaining a job. He has been on his own since he was 18(he's 25 now). So after many conversations we decided he would move in with us. He found a job that he is still working at 7 months later. When he first moved in with us(his dad and brother and sister) there was that "honeymoon period" that I have heard about. Now things are just...real. He fights with his siblings sometimes and we respect his privacy. Sometimes I think he gets frustrated with the parental guidance and advice but he gets over that. There is no mistaking he is our child because his mannerisms, his food likes and dislikes, his attitudes, his looks, his temper all match each one of us differently. I still have this part in the back of my head that is jealous of his adopted mother(he does not get along with her and she does not approve of us, saying we broke our contract). So I subconciously get jealous when he mentions her. I have an extreme fear of losing him totally, not that I would do anything to to lose him. I think that it stems for not accepting the decision to give him over to adoption. I think it is so deep seeded that I cant get over that. Him and I do have a special bond that I treasure. I hope that it will always continue.
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My reunion with my 31 year old son happened only a month ago, and I think we are experiencing some of the same emotions. I have not met my son yet, but have talked with him on the phone a few times. His Facebook pictures and some things I have learned about him during our conversations show that he is definitely my son. I have this terrible fear that once he learns more about his birth family, he will not want any more contact. I gave him up once, I don't want to do that ever again.
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My Bson found me in Nov 2011 thru this site. When I first opened his email saying that there was some similarities in our info and he wanted to talk, I went into a panic attack! I had started looking for him when he turned 18 and he is 36 now. Even though I was looking, I always had this deep fear that I wouldn't be good enough and that he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't even go near my computer for almost a week trying to deal with all the emotions of what if he is or isn't. He is my only child and if this wasn't him, I knew I would be devastated. I decided to email him because I felt a phone call was a little to personal at this stage. As I started to email him, something came over me and I picked up the phone. Hearing his voice was the greatest feeling I had ever had. We talked, emailed and texted each other every day. I finally got up the nerve to call and talk to his Amom. We talked on the phone for about 3 hours and it was so amazing! She had had cancer 5 times and it had went into her bones. She told me she was so happy that he had found me because then she knew he had someone in his life that would love him as much as he did. She also said that I had given her the most precious gift in the world and now she could give him back to me. My Bson lives in CA but was raised in ID. I also live in ID and she was only three hrs from me and we made plans for me to go up there. Within 2 weeks of our conversation, she passed away. Our first reunion was the day before her funeral. Talk about being on a emotional roller coaster! Before we met, I would look at his picture and not see any of my features but him and his Bdad looked like identical twins! I got so angry and jealous! Through a very good therapist, I have learned to back off some and remember he's a grown man. I can relate to the obsession of wanting contact all the time. When I don't hear from him, I immediately start thinking the worst...I have lost him again! I also will continue to be thankful for our reunion and pray we stay on the wonderful path we are on!
Alleykatz, wow how sad but exciting at the same time. I'm sure it has been a very emotional time. I have had to do the same with backing off some and remembering he is a grown man. My need to want to mother and smother him is strong. Of course with my son living with us has changed that alot. With his amom she has not been happy with the new arrangements of him living with us, even saying we broke our contract. I would love to have a good relationship with her and "share" our son but that will not happen. Whatisfamily-you will be in a honeymoon period for a while. It is going to be happy, exciting, scary, you name it you will go through it. You will see from everyone's post it is an emotional rollercoaster, no matter how good things go. My son and I have bumps in the road like any mother son relationship but we have added bumps. He tells me all the time that he moved back to Texas(he previously lived in Alabama) for me and only me. It's still good having an outlet to talk on like adoption.com because no one in my circle has ever been through anything like this. Ladies continue updating me. I love hearing from someone going through something similar.